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  1. #1
    roshan's Avatar
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    Default share humor suroboyoan rek

    dulur dulur sedoyo

    pancene wes diakoni nek arek suroboyo mbanyol. ga ndek omah, ndek panggon kerjo, wes pokoke ndek ndi ndi mbanyol tok haha.

    mangan ga mangan sing penting kumpul

    sing duwe cerito monggo rek di share

    SALESMAN
    RASA STROBERI TA?
    NGENTUTAN
    Lobang
    Avtur
    Argowilis
    Mbah Jo
    Jin
    Kaspo thok ! ! !
    BAKSO SPANYOL
    LAWANG WESI
    Rp. 200,000
    film barat kalo diterjemahin ke dalam Bahasa Jawa
    Mulih Gasik

    Quote Originally Posted by Lochvigo View Post
    Last edited by roshan; 09-02-12 at 04:10.

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  4. #2
    roshan's Avatar
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    SALESMAN

    kapan dino tau ono salesman vaccum cleaner teko nak omahku

    rewangku durung sempet ngomong opo opo, moro salesman iku langsung nyebarno tembelek wedus ndek karpet

    jarene ngene "wes pokoke bu, lek sampe vaccum cleaner ku iki gaiso nyedot, tak jamin tak emploki situk situk tembelek wedus kuwi"

    jare rewangku "sampeyan kepengen didulit sambel ta ngemploke?"

    "la opo o bu masalahe?" salesman kuwi takok

    "lah sampeyan ga ndelok ta saiki mati lampu"


  5. #3
    roshan's Avatar
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    RASA STROBERI TA?

    pas acara perpisahan arek TK, ben murid nggowo kado gawe ibu gurune.

    sing pertama maju anak e pedagang bunga. ibu gurune ngambung kadone sambil mbedek i.
    "isine kembang yo"

    "seratus buat bu guru" jare anak e pedagang bunga.

    sing kedua maju anak e wong dodol mracang. ambek bu guru ne kadone dikocok-kocok. wah iki rodo angel mbedek e, pikir bu guru ne.
    "isine permen yo"

    "pinter bu guru" jare anak e wong dodol mracang

    mari ngono maju anak e wong dodolan es krim. pas kadone diangkat, dadakno netes. ambek bu guru tetesane diincipi.

    "es krim rasa anggur yo" jare bu guru kemeruh

    "salah" jare areke

    "rasa stroberi ta?" bu gurune kemeruh maneh

    "salah" jare arek e

    "wis aku nyerah, rasa opo seh iku" takok bu gurune

    "isinya anak ****** kok bu guru"

  6. #4
    roshan's Avatar
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    NGENTUTAN

    yuk jah lungo perikso nang dokter.

    "opoo sampeyan ning ?'' jare doktere.

    yuk jah terus cerito, "iki lho dok, wis sak wulan iki aku malih ngentutan.
    sak jam isok ping sepuluh aku ngentut. cumak untunge, entutku iku gak mambu
    ambek gak onok suorone, dhadhi gak onok sing ngerti. lha iki pas aku longgo ndhik
    ngarepe sampeyan ae wis ping telu aku ngentut. tapi sampeyan gak ngerti tho,
    mergo iku mau, entutku gak muni ambek gak mambu. cumak aku malih gak enak
    dhewe, mosok arek wedhok ngentutan ".

    "oh, ngono tah.. lek ngono tebusen resep iki. seminggu maneh mbaliko rene
    maneh" jare doktere.

    pas wis seminggu yuk jah mbalik maneh nang doktere.

    "wis enakan tah ?" takok doktere.

    "aku gak ngert i obat opo sing dokter kekno wingi, cumak entutku saiki kok
    ambune malih bosok gak karuan. sampek kudhu nggeblak aku. tapi untunge
    entutku sik tetep gak muni", jare yuk jah.

    "berarti saiki irung sampeyan wis gak buntu maneh. saiki tebusen resep iki
    yo" jare doktere.

    "obat opo maneh iku pak dokter ?" takok yuk jah.

    "obat kopok.."

  7. #5
    dr_jazz's Avatar
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    bahasanya lucu banget ahahaahhaa

  8. #6
    jullieestelle's Avatar
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    Lobang

    Sakri ambek Nasip mlaku budhal mancing. Moro-moro Nasip ndhelok onok lobang
    guedhe.

    "Eh ayok dites jerune sak piro se lobang iki" jare Nasip.

    Sakri njupuk watu kali terus diuncalno ndhik lobang mau.
    Sui gak onok suorone blas...

    "Whuik jerune...," jare Sakri
    "Watune kurang gedhe be'e, cobak kelopo" jare Nasip.

    Sakri njupuk kelopo terus diuncalno maneh ndhik lobang.
    Sepiii gak onok suorone....

    "Whuik jerune...," jare Sakri
    "Sik golek sing luwih gedhe maneh," jare Nasip.

    Mari golek-golek, arek loro iku akhire nemu beton bekas bantalane rel sepur.
    Berhubung abhot, betone digotong wong loro terus disurung mlebu lobang.
    Tapi yo ngono, suiii gak onok suorone...

    "Cik jerune lobang iki.." jare Sakri

    Moro-moro seko semak-semak, onok wedhus mlayu katene nubruk arek loro.
    Selamete arek loro iku isok ngelesi, tapi sakno wedhuse sing kecemplung lobang.
    Kagete jik durung ilang, moro-moro onok Wak Dri nggowo arit takok nang arek loro
    iku.

    "He rek, kon ndhelok sing nyolong wedhusku tah ? Tak bacoke wonge !!!'',
    takok Wak Dri.

    "Wah gak ngerti Wak Dri, cumak sik tas ae onok wedhus kecemplung lobang iku"
    jare Nasip.

    "Oo gak mungkin.. dhudhuk wedhusku lek sing iku, wedhusku mau tak cancang
    ndhik betone rel sepur "

  9. #7
    aukz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jullieestelle View Post
    Lobang

    Sakri ambek Nasip mlaku budhal mancing. Moro-moro Nasip ndhelok onok lobang
    guedhe.

    "Eh ayok dites jerune sak piro se lobang iki" jare Nasip.

    Sakri njupuk watu kali terus diuncalno ndhik lobang mau.
    Sui gak onok suorone blas...

    "Whuik jerune...," jare Sakri
    "Watune kurang gedhe be'e, cobak kelopo" jare Nasip.

    Sakri njupuk kelopo terus diuncalno maneh ndhik lobang.
    Sepiii gak onok suorone....

    "Whuik jerune...," jare Sakri
    "Sik golek sing luwih gedhe maneh," jare Nasip.

    Mari golek-golek, arek loro iku akhire nemu beton bekas bantalane rel sepur.
    Berhubung abhot, betone digotong wong loro terus disurung mlebu lobang.
    Tapi yo ngono, suiii gak onok suorone...

    "Cik jerune lobang iki.." jare Sakri

    Moro-moro seko semak-semak, onok wedhus mlayu katene nubruk arek loro.
    Selamete arek loro iku isok ngelesi, tapi sakno wedhuse sing kecemplung lobang.
    Kagete jik durung ilang, moro-moro onok Wak Dri nggowo arit takok nang arek loro
    iku.

    "He rek, kon ndhelok sing nyolong wedhusku tah ? Tak bacoke wonge !!!'',
    takok Wak Dri.

    "Wah gak ngerti Wak Dri, cumak sik tas ae onok wedhus kecemplung lobang iku"
    jare Nasip.

    "Oo gak mungkin.. dhudhuk wedhusku lek sing iku, wedhusku mau tak cancang
    ndhik betone rel sepur "
    wakwakwk tibano sing ngecul ne wedhuz e wong loro iku

  10. #8
    roshan's Avatar
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    Avtur

    Uwar ambek Joko koncoan apik, karo-karone kerjo ndhik Lanud Juanda bagian
    pengisian BBM Pesawat.

    Bengi-bengi pas udhan deres, Juanda sepi gak onok pesawat sing wani mudhun,
    wong loro iku malih nganggur gak onok gawean.

    "Adem-adem ngene enake ngombe yo" jare Uwar.

    "Wah iyo tepak iki. Awakmu tau krungu tah lek avtur iku isok diombe ?" jare
    Joko.

    "Yo tau se, jarene lek ngombe avtur isok mak busss !!..kon wani nyobak tah?" Uwar mulai gunggungan.

    Mari ngono arek loro mbukak krane truk tanki avtur.
    Wis tuwuk ngombe arek loro iku mulih terus keturon.

    Isuke pas Uwar tangi, rasane awake sueger kuat.
    Moro-moro onok tilpun muni, tibake Joko sing nilpun.

    "Yok opo kon War..?" jare Joko

    "Wah whuenak, kon yok opo ?" jare Uwar.

    "Awakku yo sueger pisan. Kon gak teler tah ?" jare Joko.

    "Gak blas, aku yo gak ngelu blas. Wis pokoke enak. Mene nyobak maneh tah ?" jare
    Uwar.

    "Yo setuju, cumak aku kate takok, kon wis ngentut dhurung ?" takok Joko.

    "Dhurung.." jare Uwar.

    "Wah gawat iki. Wis pokoke kon ojok sampek ngentut yo. Diempet ae sak
    kuatmu. ." jare Joko.

    "Lho opoko masalae ..?" Uwar bingung.

    "Soale aku saiki ndhik Banjarmasin.."
    Roshan, the Immortal, was said to own a shield that protected him from death itself.

    CLAN MILD
    MY THREAD OP

  11. #9
    roshan's Avatar
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    Argowilis


    Onok wong papat podho gak kenale numpak sepur Argowilis jurusan Suroboyo
    Bandung.

    Sing pertama ibu-ibu umure sekitar 60an. Ketokane termasuk keluarga ningrat lek
    ndhelok pacakane.
    Sebelahe ibu-ibu iku onok cewek ayu koyok covergirl majalah umure sekitar
    20an.
    Ndhik ngarepe ibu-ibu iku mau onok tentara berseragam dinas, lengkap karo
    tanda jasane. Pokoke berwibawa, umure 50an.
    Sebelahe tentara mau onok arek lanang gondrong umure 25an. Ketokane rocker.

    Selama perjalanan, wong papat iku ngobrol macem-macem.

    Sampek moro-moro sepure mlebu terowongan athik lampune mati, dhadhi petengan
    pol. Wong papat iku malih meneng kabeh.
    Gak sui moro -moro onok suoro pipi disun terus mari ngono suorone wong
    dikaplok PLAK..!!!.

    Wis mari ngono sepi maneh.

    Sing ibu-ibu iku mau mbatin," Wah hebat arek wedhok sebelahku iki, isok
    menjaga harga diri, gak gelem diperlakukan sembarangan".

    Sing arek wedhok sebelae yo mbatin pisan,"Gak salah tah, sing ngesun mau
    iku, wong onok arek ayu koyok aku kok malah nenek-nenek tuwek sing disun".

    Lha sing tentara iku ambek ngusap-ngusap pipine sing kenek kaplok melok
    mbatin pisan,"Jangkrik, gak melok ngesun tapi kenek kaplok. Dikiro aku
    pengecut tah, lek aku gelem gak usah ngenteni peteng. Wah tersinggung aku".

    Arek rocker iku karo ngempet ngguyu melok mbatin pisan,"Kapan maneh rek,
    isok ngaplok kolonel gathik konangan. Padahal sing tak sun mau iku tanganku
    dhewe".
    Roshan, the Immortal, was said to own a shield that protected him from death itself.

    CLAN MILD
    MY THREAD OP

  12. #10
    roshan's Avatar
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    Mbah Jo

    Mbah Jo dirawat ndhik rumah sakit. Jare doktere asmane wis kronis, irunge
    sampek dipasangi selang.

    Wis pirang-pirang dino iki mbah Jo meneeng ae koyok wong koma, mripate thok sing
    ketap-ketip.
    Dikiro wis wayahe mangkat, anake nyelukno mudhin ben didungakno.

    Pas mudhine enak-enak ndungo, moro-moro Mbah Jo megap-megap gak isok
    ambekan, raine pucet, tangane gemeter.
    Nganggo bahasa isyarat mbah Jo nirokno wong nulis.

    Anake ngerti maksute, langsung dijupukno kertas ambek pulpen. Ambek
    megap-megap, mbah Jo nulis surat.
    Karo siso-siso tenogone mbah Jo ngekekno surate iku mau nang pak Mudhine.

    Ambek Pak Mudhine kertase iku mau langsung disaki, rasane kok gak tepak moco
    surat wasiat saiki, pikire pak Mudhin.
    Mari ngesaki surat pak Mudhin nerusno ndungone.

    Gak sui mari ngono mbah Jo mangkat. Akeh wong sing kelangan, soale masio
    sangar, mbah Jo iku wonge apikan.
    Pas selametan pitung dinane Mbah Jo, Pak Mudhin diundang maneh.

    Mari mimpin ndungo, Pak Mudhin lagek iling lek dhe'e nganggo klambi batik
    sing digawe pas mbah Jo mangkat.
    Lha ndhik sake lak onok titipan surate Mbah Jo tah, waduh selamet iling aku
    rek, pikire pak Mudhin.

    "Derek-derek sedoyo, onok surat seko almarhum Mbah Jo sing durung tak
    sampekno nang peno kabeh. Lek ndhelok mbah Jo pas uripe, isine mestine nasehat
    kanggo anak putune kabeh. Ayok diwoco bareng-bareng isi surate".

    Mari ngono pak Mudhin ngerogoh surat ndhik sake, bareng diwoco tibake munine..
    HE.. NGALIO DHIN !!! OJOK NGADHEK NDHIK SELANG OXIGENKU !!!
    Roshan, the Immortal, was said to own a shield that protected him from death itself.

    CLAN MILD
    MY THREAD OP

  13. #11
    -biiz_SHOE-'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by roshan View Post
    RASA STROBERI TA?

    pas acara perpisahan arek TK, ben murid nggowo kado gawe ibu gurune.

    sing pertama maju anak e pedagang bunga. ibu gurune ngambung kadone sambil mbedek i.
    "isine kembang yo"

    "seratus buat bu guru" jare anak e pedagang bunga.

    sing kedua maju anak e wong dodol mracang. ambek bu guru ne kadone dikocok-kocok. wah iki rodo angel mbedek e, pikir bu guru ne.
    "isine permen yo"

    "pinter bu guru" jare anak e wong dodol mracang

    mari ngono maju anak e wong dodolan es krim. pas kadone diangkat, dadakno netes. ambek bu guru tetesane diincipi.

    "es krim rasa anggur yo" jare bu guru kemeruh

    "salah" jare areke

    "rasa stroberi ta?" bu gurune kemeruh maneh

    "salah" jare arek e

    "wis aku nyerah, rasa opo seh iku" takok bu gurune

    "isinya anak ****** kok bu guru"
    wakaakakakakakakak *** ngakak iki

    sakit perut

  14. #12
    roshan's Avatar
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    wah threadku tenggelam

    sek tak post guyonan enyar
    Roshan, the Immortal, was said to own a shield that protected him from death itself.

    CLAN MILD
    MY THREAD OP

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  17. #14
    roshan's Avatar
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    tak pindah ke 1st post yo
    Roshan, the Immortal, was said to own a shield that protected him from death itself.

    CLAN MILD
    MY THREAD OP

  18. #15
    roshan's Avatar
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    Jin

    Mari kekeselen ngerombeng gak oleh-oleh, Kayat katene ngaso ngisore wit asem, mripate nguantuk, sikile kemeng, wetenge lue.

    Sik tas katene keturon, dhadhak sikile ngincak botol. Bareng botole dijupuk dhadhak metu beluke, Kayat mencolot kuaget.

    "Hua ha ha ha, jenengku jin botol, telu panjalukmu bakal tak turuti," jare jine.

    "Gak percoyo aku, paling kon kate mbujuki aku. Biyen aku iki guanteng lan sugih, lha saiki aku malih ireng mlarat koyok ngene iki mergo dibujuki ambek jin" jare Kayat.

    "Lho biyen iku be'e awakmu pethuk ambek jin kaspo, lha aku iki lak jin apikan tah, dhadhi wis gak usah khawatir. Opo maneh awakmu wis kadung koyok ngono, gak bakal isok luwih soro maneh, wis tah gak rugi pokoke. Lek gak percoyo, cobaken dhisik ae njaluk opo" jare jine maneh.

    "Yo wis, awas lek awakmu mbujuki. Tak gibheng kon !!!. Sing pertama, aku kepingin ndhuwe dhuwik sak karung," jare Kayat

    "Meremo dhiluk.." jare jine. Ting... Pas melek moro -moro ndhik ngarepe Kayat wis onok dhuwik sak karung, seket ewuan kabeh.

    "Sik gak percoyo tah awakmu, saiki njaluk opo maneh .. ?" jare jine.

    "Saiki .... aku njaluk omah mewah sak montore, pokoke lengkap sembarange." jarene Kayat.

    "Meremo dhiluk.." jare jine. Ting... Pas melek moro -moro Kayat wis nang njero omah mewah. Kayat sueneng gak karuan.

    "Lha saiki kari sithok panjalukmu sing isok tak turuti, pikiren sing temenan cik gak getun" jare jine.

    Ambek merem-merem mbayangno, Kayat njaluk,"Aku kepingin kulitku malih putih wudho dirubung wong wedhok akeh".

    Pas katene melek, samar-samar Kayat krungu suorone wong wedhok rame ambek keroso awake dicekel-cekel. Tapi kok mambu iwak pindang, pikire Kayat mulai curiga.

    Bareng melek, Kayat kuaget lha kok wis nang tengah pasar, tibake Kayat wis dhadhi tahu. . .
    Roshan, the Immortal, was said to own a shield that protected him from death itself.

    CLAN MILD
    MY THREAD OP

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