1. Be emotionally honest: Even stupid people can usually see through ********, and writing is no different. When you try and make yourself seem something that you aren't people will see it eventually, even in your writing. I often find myself at places thinking, "What should I put now?" and the answer to that is ALWAYS, "The complete truth, no matter how stupid or awful or cynical (or cool or awesome) it makes me look." For me, using the stark truth of my mind and my life works on many levels. It shocks the reader, because very seldom do people tell the truth, it endears the reader to me, because it gives them the sense they are in my head, it can repel the reader because they don't like what they see, but ultimately it makes the reader keep reading, because there is nothing more enthralling than true emotional honesty. Everyone at their core is a voyeur of some sort--when you open up and let people in, they will stop and look.
2. Characterization is key: The single best way to make people want to read your writing is to give them a stake in it; make them care about what happens. How do you that? By creating compelling and interesting characters. For me, I am my most interesting character, so it's pretty easy--I just write myself. Furthermore, my friends are all pretty fucked up in their own ways, so I just write them the way they are, and I've got interesting stuff. I think the key to being able to write good characters is not just having interesting people to model them after, but you as the writer must be very perceptive. You have to be able to look beneath the surface and get into the heads of the people you write about, because you can't let the reader in on something that you yourself don't understand.
3. Show don't tell: It is always better to show something than explain it. Rather than tell me that you picked up the girl, give me the dialogue. Chances are that the words you used are relevant to the story, develop the characters and help lead to a conclusion. Or, instead of saying, "I was Tucker Max Drunk," give an example of how drunk you were, "I was so drunk I thought the topiary was Calista Flockhart. My friends had no idea why I was was congratulating the shrubbery on dating Harrison Ford." That sentence does more to explain your mental state than any list of drinks imbibed.
4. Keep the writing as short and terse as possible: There is a reason no one actually reads David Foster Wallace. Being long winded for no reason sucks. In your stories, make sure that every word, every sentence, every paragraph, every character and every description is relevant to the story and moves it along. Although my stories are the complete truth, they are not everything about the truth; there is a difference. I leave out stuff that either isn't funny, isn't essential to the plot, or doesn't develop the characters. Remember--You are writing a story, not a forensic catalog of everything you did. I especially like to cut out description. People are going to picture the scene the way they want to anyway, might as well not waste words. Don't describe things unless it is necessary to the story. Of course, this is because I am not good at describing things; its just not how my mind works. If you have a great talent for description, then write stories that display it.
5. Sharp, realistic dialogue: I think this is the true strength of my writing, the ability to craft great dialogue. When you can convey the sense of being there, you are going to be a great story teller, and nothing gives the reader emotional intimacy like realistic dialogue. When you read words that sound like the words you or someone you know might say, or things that you have heard before, it brings the characters alive, gives the reader a stake in them and their outcome and draws them into the story. Furthermore, dialogue is a great way to show instead of telling. Instead of telling the reader you made fun of a girl, put in your words and her response. It gives the reader the ability to react to the incident instead of a description of the incident.
6. Use ellipses, spacing, paragraphs to create a sense of timing: Appropriate timing is hard to create with the written word. Read my stories---I do it with the above stated devices. I try to give the reader the sense that I am in the room, telling them the story as if they were a close friend.
7. When in doubt, make fun of fat girls: Every comedian has his fall back joke or position, and mine is making fun of fat girls. Its just so easy and so much fun, and there are so many ways to do it, I can't help myself. Besides, if I inspire one girl to lose weight, I've made the world a better place. And made it easier for the rest of us to get to the buffet.
In addition to this, spend some time on the Rudius Media Writing Forum. There's a lot of people going through the same process, and it's a great place to learn and develop as a writer.
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