entah sampai kapan aku akan menulis tentang kehidupanku disini.
mungkin sampai aku bosan, atau aku lelah, atau aku pergi.
3 Agustus 2009
Kehidupan rutinku berjalan seperti biasa, bangun di pagi hari, kubuka FBku, approve friend request yang ada, dan ku klik bookmark disana, pet society dan restaurant city.
Dua game yg sederhana tapi adiktif, menarik ^^
Sempat terlintas di pikiranku, untuk kembali memainkan game online yang dulu begitu kusukai, Ayodance.
Dua minggu sudah aku meninggalkan game itu. Sebenarnya, aku begitu kehilangan teman-temanku yang selalu menghiburku dan membuatku tertawa, membuatku sejenak melupakan kesedihanku. Juga merindukan seseorang yang begitu menyayangiku, meskipun kami hanya sebatas bertemu di dunia game yang maya itu.
Entah kenapa, semua sahabatku di sana, begitu menyayangiku, aku merasa tak pernah melakukan apapun untuk mereka.
Di saat aku merasa sendiri, selalu ada yg mengajakku bermain bersama, saat aku bersedih, canda mereka selalu terlontar dan membuatku tersenyum dan tertawa.
Bersama mereka, aku selalu tenggelam dalam duniaku sendiri, dunia maya yang seakan nyata bagiku, karena dalam kehidupan nyata, ada satu hal yang begitu pahit kurasakan, sehingga perlahan aku mulai melupakan semua yang nyata, dan aku mengalihkan jiwa dan pikiranku untuk berada di dunia maya. Dan aku menikmatinya.
Namun, di dalam setiap tawa dan senyumku, kepedihan itu tak pernah hilang, cinta yang t'lah pergi tak pernah bisa kulupakan.
Aku bosan membohongi mereka semua, bahwa aku telah sembuh dari sakit hatiku.
Aku bosan membohongi seorang yg sangat menyayangiku disana, dengan berkata, aku pun menyayangimu. Dan aku memilih untuk meninggalkan game itu, setidaknya hingga saat ini.
Selesai melakukan "tugas rutinku" , hug friends di pet society, membuka mail trade ingredients di resto city dan mendekor restoku, aku melamun, dan menulis diary ini.
Mengingat-ingat mimpi indah semalam, mimpi tentang dia.
Kenapa mesti di tanggal ini, di hari ini?
Setelah cukup lama tak bermimpi tentangnya, kenapa harus hari ini dia hadir kembali?
Dia, berbulan-bulan telah lewat tanpa nya, namun tak pernah seharipun aku melupakannya. Aku mencintainya.
Saat kau tersenyum, bagiku, itulah warna yang selama ini tak pernah kulihat, begitu indah sehingga aku tak mampu berkata-kata.
masih begitu jelas saat pertama kita bertemu, kita habiskan begitu banyak waktu, kau dan aku.
jarak bukan penghalang, kau di hatiku.
kau hadirkan tawa dan penghiburan, tak sedetikpun aku ingin kau pergi. Di malam hari saat kita harus berpisah, tanganku menulis "selamat tidur" namun hatiku berkata "jangan tinggalkan aku, aku masih ingin bersamamu".
Kami bertemu hanya sebatas dlm dunia maya, Ayodance, namun dia begitu nyata bagiku.
hmmm, cukup sampai disini dulu, mungkin esok akan kembali kulanjutkan kisahku bersamanya.
Aku sangat menikmati mengenang masa-masa bersamanya, meskipun terkadang tanpa sadar aku menangis.
Aneh, apa aku sudah gila, begitu menikmati hal-hal yang menyedihkan? Whatever, I do what I like, pleasing or hurting me. Lagian, ga ada lagi hal yg dapat membuatku merasa sakit, aku telah mati tepat di saat dia meninggalkanku.
Back to reality, capenya seharian online.
tambah satu lagi game baru di Fb yg kusuka, Country Story.
Ternyata gamenya mirip" Harvest Moon, cuma...seperti hampir semua game di Fb, ada saat dimana kita harus menunggu. Di game ini, kita harus menunggu berjam-jam sampai tanaman kita tumbuh...cape de.
Time to log out from my comp, it needs rest, so do I.
Hampir seharian kuberbaring di tempat tidurku...badan ini ngga bisa diajak kompromi rupanya, ambruk juga setelah berhari-hari begadang. Kemarin malam saat aku berencana 'tuk beristirahat, aku ingat janji yg kubuat dengan teman"ku di siang harinya, mengajakku nonton UP di bioskop.
Sebenernya agak males juga, aku pikir, ah kartun, paling" lucu" ga jelas...tapi kuminum juga dua gelas kopi untuk mencegah aku tertidur di bioskop. Dengan Rp 10.000,- dan bisa berkumpul sama temen", "Kenapa ngga?", begitu kupikir.
Usai menonton, aku acungkan dua jempol buat film ini. "Untung gw tadi ikut!" begitu kataku pada temen yg duduk di sebelahku.
Ceritanya ttg seorang kakek...ahhh susah nerangin pk bahasa indo...bnr" bukan krn mau sok inggris atau gmn, tapi gw selalu merasa ada hal" tertentu yg jauh lebih enak buat diungkapin pk bhs inggris, mungkin kalo ada ahli bahasa yg begitu fanatiknya menggunakan bahasa indonesia, dia bakal mencibir dan marah" ga jelas, bilang kl generasi sekarang dah ga bs pake bahasa indonesia yang baik dan benar lah, atau apalah, whatever, gw nulis ini bukan buat dibaca oleh orang yg fanatik dan pencibir.
So this is a little story about the film, UP.
It's about an old man who wants to fulfill his late wife's wish, to go to Paradise Fall, a place they dreamed to go into since they're kids.
Uniquely, he uses balloons, a lot of them, to make his house floats and flies to that place.
Adventurous, a bit funny, yes a bit, 'cause some of my friends, not me ^^, cried.
No need to ask why they cried, the film is full of messages, about the main chars' beautiful love since they're young until they become old and one of them is gone, about how we should keep our promise, death is not the reason to forget.
ya, itu sedikit ttg film UP ^^
Kenapa gw jadi cerita ttg film itu ya...
mungkin krn seharian ini gw ngga ngelakuin apa", badan panas dan kerjanya tiduran mulu, jadi ga ada yg bs gw tulis ttg hari ini.
Yang jelas sekarang gw lagi ngetik di depan komputer sambil dengerin lagunya Whitney Houston, entah dah berapa kali, gw auto repeat terus tuh lagu, hehe.
Jujur gw ngga bs bilang ttg apa yg gw rasain pas denger lagu ini, mau dibilang sama banget sm yg gw alami, rasanya semua lagu cinta ya begitu, sedih gara" saling cinta tapi harus berpisah, tp emang ini lagu bagus menurut gw.
If I should stay, I would only be in your way
so I'll go, but I know I'll think of u ev'ry step of the way (...)
And I....will always love u...will always love u
You...my darling you...mmm (...)
Bittersweet memories, that is all I'm taking with me (plus bleeding and broken heart)
so goodbye, please don't cry
we both know I'm not what you...you need...
And I will always love u, I will always love u
I hope life treats u kind
and I hope u have all u've dreamed of...
and I wish to u joy and happiness
but above all this, I wish u L O V E (yes, I really wish u find the love u're looking for and happiness)
And I will always love u...
...
...
(ILU, I always will~)
huffff, kadang lelah dan berharap bisa lupain kenangan ini...
kenapa susah banget buat lupain seseorang, mana bukti kata" temen gw yang bilang, paling sebulan dua bulan juga loe lupa. Emang ini dah berapa bulan...
dan kadang heran juga kl liat orang, bisa begitu gampangnya putus terus besoknya dah cari atau jadian sama yg laen lagi, banyak tuh di Ayodance...ckckck, ajarin gw please ilmunya, punya mesin cuci otak sm cuci hati y...
Atau, mungkin mereka lakuin itu krn buat mereka Ayodance cuma game ya. Ga salah juga sih kl emang gitu.
Tapi, apa yang pernah gw alami sm dia, itu bnr" bukan cm sebatas game.
"waitin foR u aLL daE ... (my name) ~
reaLLy Luv u ~"
How often u said that...and when u did, I replied just in my heart, I can't wait to see u, talk to u, kiss u, and hug u. ILU, so very much.
ckckck, kenapa gw selalu balik dan balik lagi ke masa lalu, mengingat-ingat semua yg pernah gw tulis ke dia, mengingat-ingat semua yg dia tulis buat gw.
Kl boleh jujur, gw bnr" ga sanggup untuk lupain dia, sampe saat ini.
Mau sampe kapan gw simpen kenangan ini dan terus menerus nyakitin hati gw sendiri...
hufff, whatever, I'm as good as dead, don't care about the pain or anything else.
Apa gw salah karena begitu menyayangi seseorang?
sayang bahkan setelah dia pergi ninggalin gw?
ada yg bilang, sayangin orang tu jgn 100%, cukup 70-80 persen aja, jadi kalau nanti akhirnya dia pergi, loe masih simpen rasa sayang buat pulihin diri loe.
Hehe, kl gitu, kenapa ga sekalian aja loe bilang, sayangin orang tuh cukup 10% aja, jadi kl ntar dia pergi, ya pergi aja, ga ngaruh apa" buat gw~~~ thank u for the advice, tapi gw sayang sm dia 1000%.
dan kl ada yg bilang gw bodoh, gw akui emang gw bodoh, bener" bodoh, tp gw ga berdaya buat ngerubah perasaan gw, seberapa besar usaha gw buat lupain dia, kl akhirnya masih tetep inget dan sayang mau gimana lagi, gw hrs gmn lagi?
Kynya satu"nya jalan buat gw emang cm masuk ke mesin cuci otak dan hapus semua kenangan yg pernah ada...ada yg nyewain mesin itu? Sewa aja ya, jgn jual, krn gw ga akan mampu buat beli, pasti mahal banget kan mesin gitu, krn fungsinya bnr" bisa sembuhin luka hati orang seberapa dalem pun, hehe.
jadi ngawur kemana-mana...mending gw nulis sesuatu deh y...
Pegang tanganku, jangan lepaskan
gelap sekelilingku, mataku tak melihat
terkatup hatiku, tak kudengar lagi suaranya
Tunjukkan padaku arti cinta sejati
kar'na yang t'lah lalu membuatku hancur
meninggalkanku tanpa jalan 'tuk pulih kembali
akankah lembar" kehidupanku terisi dengan penyesalan
akan pedih dan perihnya sebuah kenangan?
Atau 'kan ada lagi sebuah cahaya terang
yang menuntunku kembali pada kelembutan
mengingatkanku akan cinta yg sejati?
maw jdi puNyaa ...(my name)
ga maW jd puNya yg laeN..
(x) gaQ maW xYg na oRg laeN..
cma pngeN xyg daRi ...(my name) xeoRg..
(x) maw ...(my name) T.T
why? why?????
why should i go back to those words, again and again and again?!
I tried to forget, tried so hard, but why?
I keep convincing myself that the one I still love even until now has forgotten about me since long time ago and there's no love and care left for me even a bit, a single bit... but why couldn't i convince myself to erase that memory from my head?
I always get dizzy every time anger controlled me, angry to whom?
to the one I most love? not exactly, a choice was made to leave me, everyone has a freedom to choose for the best.
I'm angry to myself, upset to my very self.
Giving someone all your love
is never an assurance that they'll love u back
Some people are just not meant to be in ur life
no matter how much u want them to be
You hug him good-bye like it's nothing
while all u want to do is hold on forever
I used to smile when i told people
that u were mine
but now,
I can't even smile and say ur name
at the same time
As much as I love u
I have to say goodbye
coz I know u would be happier
if I let u go
I'm sorry if I made u cry
I'm sorry if tears fell from ur eyes
but remember, for every tear that fell from ur eyes
two fell from mine
Missing u isn't the hardest part
knowing I once had u is what breaks my heart
I'll never forget the times we once shared
And I'll alwayz remember how much u once cared
Now it's over,
It's time to move on
It's never easy to see u turning back
but, i have to take the pain
and cry all the way home
coz i know it'll never be the same
I know when u leave
distance will keep us apart
But distance, no matter how far,
can't change these feelings in my heart
Just turn your head when u see me,
I will understand
One day, I will be able to look u in the eye
without feeling the pain I've caused u
I hope in time,
u will be happy as u call my name once again
happiness is too far for us now
but even if it's near,
I know it will be hard for us to get there
Baby, it's never gonna work out..
I love u, goodbye.
Taken from the YouTube
-Nina, ILU, Goodbye-
Berapa kalipun gw baca lirik ini, gw ngerasa sedih sekaligus terkagum-kagum.
Sedih kenapa ga usah dijelasin lah ya, semua dah pasti tau kl baca tuh lirik, dalem banget maknanya, gw begitu yakin kl yg nulis lirik ini pasti sekaligus ngalamin juga. Misalkan ngga, gw acungin jempol buat daya imajinasinya dy sampe" bs nulis karangan sesedih ini.
Kagum karena dy punya hati yg begitu tegar, meskpun keliatan banget kl dy begitu sayang sm seseorang, tp dy kuat pas harus berpisah.
Dan dia bisa kuat, bukan krn dah ada cinta lain di hatinya.
Wajar lah ya, misalkan seseorang bs lupain mantan pacarnya krn dah ada gantinya, emang buat orang" tertentu, mungkin mudah buat berubah ke lain hati, menganggap pacaran adalah pengalaman dan coba" untuk mendapat yg terbaik, jadi ya ga masalah gonta-ganti pacar. Ga jelek juga sih, emang kita itu belajar dr pengalaman.
Tapi yg nulis lirik ini, gw yakin dia bukannya dah ada gantinya,
"I know when u leave
distance will keep us apart
But distance, no matter how far,
can't change these feelings in my heart"
dia masih bnr" sayang, belum berubah, tapi dia kuat.
Thank u for the lyrics, whoever u r, hehe.
Satu lagi yg mau gw tulis hr ini, entah kenapa jadi keinget sm kata", "Kita akan lebih bahagia bila memilih bersama orang yg mencintai kita, daripada memaksa dan terus berharap pada orang yg kita cintai"
Bener juga...orang yg mencintai kita ngga akan pernah nyakitin kita, tapi orang yg kita cintai belum tentu mencintai kita dan mungkin akan sering membuat kita sakit hati.
br pulang dr nonton G.I Joe...
hmm, bagus, good movie.
Entah nonton brg temen" itu pengaruh ke suasana hati jadi semua film dirasa bagus apa ngga ya
Dah 3x gw ikut nonton bareng temen, bagus" semua, padahal biasanya gw paling sering ketiduran di bioskop, ini dah 3x melek terus, soalnya seru, hehe
yg pertama, Transformer 2...swt...transformer... it reminds me of something, a good movie, a very good one, but sad memory...
yg kedua, UP, bagus jg
yg ketiga ya tadi, G.I.Joe, seru, sayang menurut gw ceritanya belum selesai, bener" disengaja supaya penasaran nonton sekuelnya x ya.
Gw jadi sering banget nonton gini...padahal dulu setaun ga sekali deh, wkwkwkwkw.
Awalnya, pas nonton Transformer itu, bnr" cm niat buat shock therapy, cm mau tw apa gw masih sanggup buat duduk diem di dalem bioskop lagi setelah kejadian itu, mana tempat duduknya kedua dari depan lagi...bnr" shock therapy yg pas! Untung filmnya bagus jd meskipun kepikiran, tetep hepi jg, hehe.
Diary, ga ngerti gw ngom apaan? hehe, ga perlu ngerti, gw nulis buat curahin perasaan gw duank kan.
ngom" ttg shock therapy, bersyukur jg gw, trauma gw ga sampe segitu parahnya sehingga gw masih sanggup buat ke bioskop lg setelah kejadian itu.
Tinggal 1 hal lagi yg belum bisa gw lakuin...bener" belum bisa...mikirinnya aja dah stres...
main basket di timezone...
T_T ini bnr" hobi gw...hobi gw banget banget......dulu gw sehari bs abis 50-100k buat maenin nih game...1 hari.
50-100k waktu sekali main masih 1000 perak...artinya gw maen bisa 50 sampe 100x dalam sehari, lemes lemes dah...yha ga jago" amat juga sih, tp namanya hobi ^^
Tp sekarang, main satu x pun gw ga sanggup, begitu liat ring sm bola di TZ, bawaannya dah langsung mau out aja, mendingan gw nonton anak kecil main kuda" an deh.
R u asking me why? I've told u before, no need to know, ha7x.
Sometimes I wonder, am I being crazy? Am I being selfish to myself and to those who love me?
Or I just can't lie to myself, can't lie to my heart.
Love is never wrong, is that right?
Apa gw bener" ga boleh mencintai seseorang yg bnr" gw sayangin? Apa gw ga boleh memilih? Apa gw cm blh terima paksaan dr org lain?
Kenapa begitu banyak yg nentang gw, bahkan orang yg sangat sangat sangat gw sayangin pun sampe pergi ninggalin gw begitu aja.
Diary, r u tired that everyday I wrote about my sadness?
I consider u as a paper that I can write everything, every single thing on u, and this is all I wanna write.
Tell me if my love is wrong, and I will ask, if that's wrong, how could I love so sincerely, so deeply, and I felt so happy at that time?
And tell me, if what happens to me now is the right thing, how could happiness seems so far away from me? We should feel relieve if we do the right thing, true? But all in me now is pain.
Why am I not allowed to choose? And why can't I change my heart?
Being loveless, should that happen to me all my life?
For now, I trust noone, I trust no love. All made me feel this pain without cure.
I don't hate anyone, but I don't trust them ever again. I live alone with myself only, in my own-created world, and happiness is one word seems so far away from my real life.
help me Lord, forgive me Lord.
Hold my hands, U r the only one who'll never leave me.
nitez, diary.
mau nulis lagi...
Shining star, how wonderful u r
though small and far
give us light in the dark night sky.
I used to look at u at night
I wrote words about u and the moon
How beautiful u both
the same place, the same time
but now,
where's the Moon used to be beside u?
Hiding behind the clouds?
that's still alright, u may find it someday
As for me,
the love used to be beside me
has gone and disappeared.
Tell me if i'm wrong, but no answer I hear.
The happiness I once hoped for
left me to the end of the world
And the Heaven once we crossed our fingers together
dispersed like morning fog when the Sun arises.
Shine, my star.
I'll smile when u find back the moon
to see another being happy
could at least make me smile
and though not happening to me
I may still believe, true love does exist
Appreciate it once u find love
because there're others once loved each other so deeply
should face reality and be separated.
Nonton Alladin di TV...kenapa bisa gw ga sengaja nonton film itu ya...
bagus sih filmnya, tapi...ost nya itu...
A Whole New World
I can show you the world
Shining, shimmering, splendid
Tell me, princess, now when did
You last let your heart decide?
I can open your eyes
Take you wonder by wonder
Over, sideways and under
On a magic carpet ride
A whole new world
A new fantastic point of view
No one to tell us no
Or where to go
Or say we're only dreaming
A whole new world
A dazzling place I never knew
But when I'm way up here
It's crystal clear
That now I'm in a whole new world with you
Now I'm in a whole new world with you
Unbelievable sights
Indescribable feeling
Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling
Through an endless diamond sky
A whole new world
Don't you dare close your eyes
A hundred thousand things to see
Hold your breath - it gets better
I'm like a shooting star
I've come so far
I can't go back to where I used to be
A whole new world
Every turn a surprise
With new horizons to pursue
Every moment red-letter
I'll chase them anywhere
There's time to spare
Let me share this whole new world with you
A whole new world
That's where we'll be
A thrilling chase
A wondrous place
For you and me
kalo aja gw nontonnya sendirian, ga bakal gw tahan air mata cm di dalem hati.
Lagu yg sama yg pernah kudengar dari jari jemarinya
lagu yg sama yg pernah kunyanyikan untuknya...
Dunia yg sama yg pernah kubayangkan andai aku bisa bersamanya.
All has gone, nothing remains.
If only it's a dream, I don't want to wake up
but it's a reality I have to face
u went away, and I have to accept
Have to...have to...Must...
only "why" comes out from my heart
and once again, I MUST accept.
Setiap lagu yg pernah kunyanyikan untuknya membawa kembali kenangan itu
saat-saat bahagia yg takkan pernah terulang lagi seumur hidupku.
If only I'm deaf, I'll be happier not to hear all the songs anymore
If only I get amnesia, I'll also be happier than to always remember that moments,
when I feel heaven on earth, but losing it now.
Living on earth, so much dreams I hope to achieve
but if God only grants me one of them, being with u is surely the dream I choose.
I guess, even that one is too much for me
I don't dare to dream anymore, just wanna live in my own world.
not to dream, just to hide this pain, to try to recover but i know it will take forever.
I wanna sing this song once more, though tears may fell from my eyes.
It took me some times to realize how fragile love that comes here, in this temporary earth.
It could be shaken, betrayed, and forgotten. And what hurt the most, the one closest to u may do it, crush ur heart until every bit.
And what hurt more, the one u love may choose to leave u, choose to leave u, should I use Caps for that?
It actually happens to me, that I can no longer feel joy.
Today, or exactly tomorrow will be the day I should expect the most this year, but I feel nothing, exactly nothing.
Am I still human? Will I be able to smile and laugh once again? Not fake ones, but really come from my heart.
Something most precious for me has gone, and even time can't heal.
Listening to -Waiting for u-Anson Hu-
None to wait for though, this song is just so beautiful. If only I still have that "u", I'd choose to lose all in this world than live without u. But that "u" has gone, and still I lose all the world, even my real self.
I lose everything, except my ability to write and sing, all just for myself.
Help me, Lord, can't live a second without u.
Time to go to my own world, hiding myself from reality.
Waktu terus berjalan, aku seakan tertinggal di belakang. Entah apa yang kukejar di hidup ini.
Aku bahagia sekarang, bersama teman-temanku, tapi aku masih tak tahu apa tujuan hidupku.
Hanya beginikah kulalui hari demi hari, tak ada yang spesial, semua rutinitas berputar lagi dan lagi.
Jika kudengar seseorang mencapai prestasi yang baik, kadang aku terheran dan bertanya pada diriku sendiri, apa yang bisa kulakukan, pertama-tama untuk diriku sendiri, terlebih lagi untuk orang lain.
Sejak lahir hingga sekarang, aku masih terpusat pada diriku, gembira untuk diriku sendiri, menangis karena sakit hatiku, namun tak pernah terpikirkan akan kebahagiaan orang lain, dan tangis orang lain. Egois? Mungkin aku adalah orang paling egois di dunia, let me try to change.
Aku boleh dikata sebagai seorang individualis stadium akhir, merasa nyaman jika hidup sendiri, meskipun aku sadar, tanpa orang lain, aku tak akan hidup hingga kini. Salahkah jika aku tak dapat lagi mempercayai orang lain?
I'm happy as i am now, and i will continue as time allows me.
In times of light
In times of dark,
let me sing
the song when the dancing fingers of yours played it for me
In times of laughter
in times of tears
let me write
expressing my heart wide open,
like a story book once we planned to write together.
In times of happiness
let me take a little while
to remember your shadow
In times of sorrow
let me for a while on my pillow
stop shedding tears and smile
looking back at the past when u held my hands.
Just celebrating my happy day with my friends, 16 includes me, going to an all-u-can-eat resto, all of us were eating like crazy, haha. Sometimes it's so comfortable to be near friends, just friends and no closer, it will be too hard for me to call one of them best friend.
Best friend's betrayal is not something I'd like to face, again.
hmm diary, tadi main audi sebentar, setelah 2 bulan pensi ~~
kemana semua temen gw...cm 1 orang yg ol, zz
banyak lagu baru yg lumayan enak, mungkin bsk ol sebentar lagi buat dengerin lagu" baru.
If only i can turn back the time, what will i do?
will i ask God to never meet you? will I do evil things to you from the first time we met?
will I hurt u, knowing that someday you'll leave me like this?
I take time and smile
'cause the answer I already know from the start.
Time flows yet my heart hasn't been cured, never.
But what i regret for, is not that u r leaving me alone.
If only I can turn back the time,
knowing all of this that has happened, and will happen again
I hope I could love u better, laughed with u more
I was given a very short time to be close to an angel
there was laugh, surely, but sometimes I waste my time with grudges over small matters
and both of us cried.
If only i can turn back the time
surely I'll do my best to do better
to love u more, and to wipe out tears from ur face
and smile together, holding hands.
And when the time comes for us to separate again
I will be hearing a voice deep within myself
I've loved u to the best of my reach
I have no regret, go and shine.
though u feel disgusted of me and left
without I knowing the reason
one thing is surely never change
the three words ILU is carved on this heart of mine.
Hope u r well and happy now
and smile is always be on that gorgeous face of yours.
I love u, that's everything about my heart.
Time won't change that, I know the mean "forever" and I do love u forever.
U may choose to go and find someone else, u have the right to smile once again, finding ur own happiness.
But here I'm, I love u still, unchanged.
My reason to write here, is to make u know, I never change all this time.
As long as I'm able to write, to think well, and alive, all I write is about u, because I love u so much.
I'm not crazy for u, I don't chase u, stalk u, and I let u go to smile for the world.
But my heart, deep inside, still has the love we once share, we once cherished.
Though one of us has forgotten another, though half of the love has vanished, but it's still inside me.
No matter how had I tried to run, I can love noone else other than u.
A love this big, even my mind can't understand.
Everything is alright now, my life seems to be normal, just like my life used to be, in the view of others.
But they don't understand what's within my heart, and I keep it just for myself and this diary.
Even when u read it, u won't know that it's me, and it's alright.
I'll never gonna make myself clear to anybody here, and I'm glad that u seem to be happier know.
I love u so much, please be happy like this forever.
And I hope someday, u will find someone much better than me, who loves u more than I do.
I'm sure u can smile once again, find the pure love once we had together, though it's not me beside u.
I smile for u now, for ur happiness. I really love u, my beloved angel.
My Diary ^^
Share This Thread