Waiting for u, waiting for u kiss me at the night~~
(part of the song -Waiting for u-Anson Hu-)
whom to wait? the one i wait will never come, not as long as I'm still on earth.
just sing, just cry, just remembering.
Am i being weak? oh no, I'm being honest, just to u my diary.
No need to lie, no need to pretend to be strong, because I'm tired to do so.
Who can be happy, if forced to leave the most beloved one?
who can forget, who can accept?
and my love, it's so sincere and true.
can't forget, can't change.
Please smile, I want u to be happy.
I love u, I love u, I love u, I love u, I love u, I love u, I love u
I love u, I love u, I love u, I love u, I love u, I love u, I love u
I love u, I love u, I love u, I love u, I love u, i love u, I love u
I love u, I love u, I love u, I love u, I love u, I love u, I love u
I love u, I love u, I love u, I love u, I love u, I love u, I love u
I love u, I love u, i love u, I love u, I love u, I love u, I love u
I love u, I love u, I love u, I love u, I love u, I love u, I love u
Sekilas kulihat lagi tulisan-tulisan yg kubuat, curahan-curahan hatiku, dan kusadari, semua yang kutulis hampir satu tahun belakangan ini ternyata begitu menyedihkan.
Dulu, hampir semua puisi-puisi yang kutulis adalah tentang cinta, kebahagiaan, tawa, penghiburan. Kenapa tak dapat lagi kubuat puisi seperti itu? kenapa saat aku ingin menulis, semua yang keluar dari dalam hatiku adalah luapan kesedihan?
Aku bukan seorang pujangga, yang pandai merangkai kata-kata indah, bukan seorang pengarang, yang bisa membuat rangkaian kata penuh keceriaan dalam karangannya, dalam khayalnya. aku hanyalah seorang biasa, yang suka mencurahkan isi hatiku, apa yang kualami dan rasakan.
Sungguhkah kebahagiaan telah begitu jauh dariku, dan hidupku telah menjadi begitu kelam, sampai-sampai apa yang kutulis mencerminkan itu semua?
Aku ingin kembali tertawa lepas, sungguh ingin merasakan kebahagiaan yang sungguh dr dalam hatiku, bukan yang sering kubuat di hadapan orang-orang, semua tawa dan senyum palsuku.
Bagaimana? Saat seseorang telah bertemu dengan kekasih yang begitu dicintainya, melebihi apapun, melebihi dirinya sendiri, dan akhirnya harus kehilangan, mungkinkah dia akan dapat kembali tersenyum, bersikap seakan semua kenangan tak pernah ada, atau bahkan melupakan?
mungkin selamanya, jawabannya tidak bagiku.
Terkadang aku bosan menulis kisah yang sama berulang-ulang, semua curahan hatiku yang hanya menuju ke satu titik. Hopeless, tak tersembuhkan.
iLu this deep, no matter what u do, no matter that u've gone. Everything i do won't make u come back, but still, I love u. iLu so much, so very much. Be happy, my angel, iLu.
begitu sering aku menulis disini di waktu yang selarut ini, karena dulu, inilah jam di saat aku mendengar suaranya, tertawa bersamanya, berbagi cinta dengannya. Saat yang singkat, tapi begitu indah dan takkan kulupakan. Andai aku tahu akan begini, akan lebih sering kuucapkan kata-kata cintaku untuknya, akan lebih sering kunyanyikan lagu-lagu tentang cinta, akan beribu kali lebih banyak kuucapkan, "aku mencintaimu". Aku mencintaimu, takkan pernah bosan kuucapkan kata-kata itu, iLu, iLu so much.
This one below is a touching song, how i want to sing this song for u, just like i used to did, and u always said u loved my voice.
As for now, it's impossible for me to call u and make my voice heard u, u've completely forgotten about me, and maybe hate me so much without i knowing the reason why.
It's fine for me, hate me as much as u like, erase me and all memories we ever had together if that makes u happy, I still love u, still wanna sing for u.
Hope my tears here reach u, and make u remember about me, even for just one sec.
How Did I Fall In Love With You - Yao Si Ting
Remember when, we never needed each other
The best of friends like
Sister and Brother
We understood, we'd never be,
Alone
Those days are gone, and I want you so much
The night is long and I need your touch
Don't know what to say
I never meant to feel this way
Don't want to be
Alone tonight
[chorus:]
What can I do, to make it right
Falling so hard so fast this time
What did I say, what did you do?
How did I fall in love with you?
I hear your voice
And I start to tremble
Brings back the child that, I resemble
I cannot pretend, that we can still be friends
Don't want to be,
Alone tonight
[chorus:]
What can I do, to make it right
Falling so hard so fast this time
What did I say, what did you do?
How did I fall in love with you?
[Bridge:] Oh I want to say this right
And it has to be tonight
Just need you to know, oh yeah
I don't want to live this life
I don't want to say goodbye
With you I wanna spend
The rest of my life
[chorus:]
What can I do, to make you mine
Falling so hard so fast this time
What did I say, what did you do?
How did I fall in love with you?
What can I do, to make you mine
Falling so hard so fast this time
Everything's changed, we never knew
How did I fall,
in love ,
with you?
Someday when u read this, I hope u know how much i love u. Even if u don't know that it's me writing this, I believe somehow u may smile, remembering the times we've ever been together.
Love is so complicated, I don't want to question ur reason leaving me, and i never want to interfere about ur choice right from the start. Someone ever told me, I didn't even asked u to stay, it seemed that i just let u go from my hands. But a choice is a choice, I let u chose what u think is best for u. I always told u, there will never be anyone who loves u more than I do, but now I hope what i said is wrong, because I wanna see u smile with the one who truly loves u.
Please be what u used to be, because I saw an angel in u, and I believe there would be someone who treasure u as precious as I considered u, more than my life, more than all i have.
Wanna sing this song once again, then hit my pillow. I'm so tired.
nitez, diary.
And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her skies
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...
And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...
Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you...
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind...
My mind...my mind...
'Til I find somebody new
Do u know how painful this pain i feel?
Do u understand my heart?
U may say, u really don't care, and what can i do?
I'm still lonely without love.
How good it is if i could be like the one singing the song above
at the last of the lyric..."till i find somebody new"...
as for me, i can love nobody, not anymore.
'cause I've chosen since that time, and I can't change, not a bit.
For some, it's easy to forget, to change, but i'm still like before, never change, dunno what i really hope for. Only writing, singing, until feeling tired, and that has become a routine.
Not asking "Why" anymore, i know the answer won't come, just keep silent, lock everything just for myself and this diary.
I want to smile again, I want to laugh again, i want to feel happiness once again, but it seems so far now. For me, it's just enough seeing somebody else smiling, holding hands with the ones they love.
It's enough for me to see the others laughing, so happy.
U may tell others everything u like, u may hide the fact and u may lie.
I'll never confront, do as u like.
U r the one who left me alone, and should u be the one to feel cheated?
U r the one who went away with another, should I be the one considered mistaken?
I know inside ur heart, u realize that u r lying to the world.
In every tear u shed, I cried twice more often than u.
U still have others who care, while I locked myself in my own world just to feel safe and comfort.
Keep lying if that makes u feel better.
Don't know the reason why, but do as u please to blame everything on me.
I still love u despite everything u do.
Last night, playing basketball in TZ like crazy, until my right arm can't be lifted again.
Ever since I entered the place, only one thing came out from my mind, I have to be able to
beat my traumatic experience. Yes, I did throw the ball, I did play, and my friends told me how good I'm at it. "U must be playing it so very often.", they said. If only they know, the last I touched the ball and see a ring was last year... ^^
Playing again and again, and fortunately, all my friends just looked from my back, noone was beside me.
I threw the ball without thinking, like losing my mind, with tears came out. All i thought was just about that time, when I played together with the one I love most.
The last time I see balls with a box ring was the happiest moment in my life, and now that the love has gone, ...
I'm tired now, still so hard to move my right hand, just my fingers are free to type ^^
Dunno what drove me just now, maybe because I can't take this worry anymore, almost this one year I wonder if u're alright, if u're happy, if u're fine...
only those thoughts came from my mind, only those things I cared about. I logged into audition and asked all that.
I plan nothing for my future, I let day by day go away, thinking of nothing else.
How happy I was to hear that u're alright, better than before. Hearing that u're fine and happy really really relieve me from my burden.
And when u asked why I play that game again, I just smiled, answer in my heart, it's because I care about u.
Now, everytime I wanna quit from that game, that would be no problem, 'cause I've already know, u're well.
I thank God for being with u along those hard times, when u're hurt, when u're alone, I should've known that He'll always be with u.
Seeing u smile and laugh was priceless. While playing together, my hands trembled and can't stop crying, not because of pain and hatred, but because I'm really relieved to know that u have been recovered from the past's pain. I'm really really happy for u to know that u've found someone to take care of u, I hope both of u love each other, I hope u suffer no more from love.
All about u, all for u, though I realized, that it's time for me to quit worrying, seeing that u're now in good hands to take care for u. That words, "better than before", I see that maybe ur love loves u more than I do, could provide happiness I couldn't give u, and I'm happy for u. Be happy always, my angel.
Sometimes, in the silence of the night when I still can't fall asleep, one question arises out of nowhere.
Am I a human, not to have free will, even to choose whom I love...
Am I that ugly, that even the one who said love to me left me...
Am I that stupid to sacrifice everything for something I believe called love, though it makes me suffer forever?
And what's my heart made of? It can't change to another
Some easily say, I love u forever, u r the one I love, but most of them are lying, change as soon as they find a new one.
Why am I not one of them? If so, life will be easier for me, much much easier...
Should I just be what others want me to be...
should forever I do what others tell me to...
I once didn't believe in destiny, fate, or whatever they called it, I believe I can change everything, I can do what I want, as a free human being, I can find my true love here...
But it seems that I've to surrender to fate, my struggle for love was finished, not because I gave up.
Love means two heart becomes one, and what happens if the half part chooses to leave?
I never force it to come back, I just accept.
Am I really not worthy to be struggled for? So, i mean nothing even for the one I love, even for the one who said love me so much.
There again, I live in the past, in the memory, as if it grips me with no way out.
I know everything that happened will never be the same ever again. My heart that hurts will never recover, and once again, I should just accept.
I can't be with u, but allow me to say it sincerely, I love u so much, never change since the time u chose to leave
Does someone hear what is it that my heart shouts about?
Does someone know how much tears I shed before I go to sleep every night?
and does someone understand how painful it is deep inside my heart?
Only me, and Him, know.
Want to sing for u, always for u, even though only from afar, even though u won't hear this, let the wind whispers it to u someday.
(Part of the song, How Did I Fall In Love With U - Yao Si Ting)
[Bridge:]
Oh I want to say this right
And it has to be tonight
Just need you to know, oh yeah
I don't want to live this life
I don't want to say goodbye
With you I wanna spend
The rest of my life
[chorus:]
What can I do, to make you mine
Falling so hard so fast this time
What did I say, what did you do?
How did I fall in love with you?
What can I do, to make you mine
Falling so hard so fast this time
Everything's changed, we never knew
True love...
if it is to let go, what's the meaning of "true"?
Maybe I still have much to learn, 'cause I can't let go, at least ur shadow, I still want to keep it, always, forever.
Shouldn't true love ends happily ever after, or all will end in tragedy...
romeo n juliet, Titanic?
Even my sincere love is not enough to make u with me, even with all my words and writings and songs, u still chose to go away.
Am I that worthless? Am I really nothing for u?
I believe u understand what love is, with all those wise words u always write, and I believe u can feel how deep my love for u, but still u went away.
And now, u write all those words about love for someone else, u make new promises and everything, and all that u made for me were just history.
Shouldn't we keep our promises, or we can just say it and forget them whenever we like?
Maybe it's good if u can forget, u shouldn't bear the pain I feel. U forget, no pain, end.
If only I can forget u, if only I lied when i told u how much I love u, and if only this heart can change so easily...life will be much brighter for me.
Now I just sit here, shrouded by darkness...
Light is everywhere around me, but I have no intention to reach it, I just be still, live in a world with the shadow of yours.
Crap, how could my life becomes full of regret...
I used to be happy, and made all surround me happy too.
And now I'm just like a candle, which is blown by the wind, no light comes from me anymore.
I miss the last time I laughed heartily, I smiled joyously, when the future seemed so bright, and pain seemed so unreal.
I want to be happy once again, please show me the way, to escape from this grip of darkness.
Don't I fully understand how u've forgotten about our love?
Don't I fully realize that everything has become "past" for u?
Don't I really understand how easy it was for u to leave whom u considered "ur life and world"?
All I know, all I realize.
So, often I said, "I live in my own world", with u that haven't change, or even with u, who successfully pretended to love me, made me believe that ur love so sincere and true, til i could give up everything just for u.
I never try to make the real u love me anymore, I never ask that. Live on with ur life, that's ur right.
For me, what has passed, I let it passed, I've let u go since 6 months u left me.
And all that I wrote, yes some of them is for the real u, hoping for u to be happy, but most of them is just for myself and for the shadow of one that ever became my most loved one, to make me strong, to make me realize, that i ever loved someone that much, and that all of I've done were still not enough to make me find a true love.
Since several months ago, I never even once hope that u would come back to me. This love has vanished from my heart, u left me no choice, u showed me a very good definition of what betrayal is, and all seemed alright for u with ur ignorance.
Love and hate, as thin as one sheet of paper, I love u as much as I hate u, let me give my love to ur shadow, that's kept well inside my heart, u that haven't change. As for the real u, sometimes I hate u so much that even remembering u made me so angry and upset, but sometimes I remember what "forgive" means, and I'm trying so hard to forgive u.
The pain caused by ur betrayal has ruined me to the deepest, breaking my mind and soul. U ruined my life, my feeling, my faith, and confidence. Dunno if I had passed the darkest moment in my life til now, I'm trying so hard for that.
Sometimes I wonder, what's ur heart made of, that cruel, that ignorant, yet sometimes I felt happy for u because by being like that, u can still smile and forget me, that fast.
U're not the best who loves me truly, so easily changed, so easily broke promises I thought to be eternal. Some angels love me much more than u do, how could I trust my pure love in u, that gives me a big question mark. And how I let this pain still inside my heart up to now...what a fool I am.
Love, one question in my life that will never be answered...
Love is not something to toy with, or else, one will suffer much pain from it.
And as for myself, since I gave up my love to u the last several months, I found one important thing, that's to put God to be my number one.
Begitu sulitnya membawa diriku sampai ke tahap ini, hingga aku butuh hampir satu tahun membuang hidupku, mengunci jiwaku dalam kegelapan, merasa sakit yang begitu dalamnya hingga bukan air mata lagi yang keluar, tapi tawa, ya...aku sampai-sampai tertawa dalam sakitku, LoL, crazy. Membayangkan diriku pernah sampai di tahap itu, sungguh bodoh, demi sebuah cinta yang membuangku, itu adalah hal terbodoh yang pernah kulakukan seumur hidupku.
Sekarang, aku ingin melanjutkan hidupku, bangkit dari keterpurukanku, lepas dari bayang-bayangnya.
Semua itu masa lalu yang kelam, yang pernah menyiksaku selama hampir satu tahun penuh, yang pernah hampir menghancurkan hidupku sampai sehancur-hancurnya.
Kini saatnya aku berpaling pada mereka, yang sungguh-sungguh dengan tulus menyayangiku, selalu menerimaku apapun keadaanku, yang tidak pernah kuhiraukan selama satu tahun belakangan ini, namun dengan cinta yang tulus, selalu menyambutku dengan senyum dan pelukan hangat malaikat.
Pada cintaku yang pergi, jutaan kali aku berkata, aku mencintaimu, tapi aku dibuang dengan begitu mudahnya. Sementara mereka yang dengan tulus mengasihiku, tak pernah sekalipun aku berkata, "aku mencintai kalian", tapi tanpa kenal lelah, mereka mendukungku pada masa" tergelapku.
Aku buta terhadap cinta, tak mengerti mana yang palsu, mana yg sungguh. B-O-D-O-H, that's the word which describes me best.
Now, let me start a new beginning, to throw away the past and welcome the present and prepare for my future. I realize, it won't be easy, but i'll give it a shot. I'm a human, with so many angels love me, I'm not supposed to end up like a dirty being, in darkness and hopelessness, I'll upset those who love me sincerely.
For those who love me truly, who had been through hardness with me this one year, I really would like to say thank u for ur never ending support. U could just leave me and abandon the useless me at that time, but that's not what u did. U gave me warm hands, warm touch, warm eyes, right when i needed it, while I'm in my darkest times. I wonder why u never bored to care about me, I hurt all of u so much, yet I receive forgiveness I shouldn't even dream about. Thank u, angels.
Hehe, btw, I'm listening to Tiara-Lies (part one), quite a good song ^^
don't understand the meaning though.
hmm, so sleepy, i want to sleep, now with a smile ^^
Silent nights passed, and life is really like a long story, written day by day just like this diary. Sometimes I feel tired to face it, yet it is reality.
Being able to smile each passing day is a grace for me. Many reasons for me to smile, to see the one who loves me so much laugh, to know that my friends r still there for me, or even to know that the one I luv is being happy, those r all my reason to smile.
Problems, sadness, hurt and pains, i believe we all share those feelings, and i believe we all strugle to overcome those, guess we r all need the words "Be strong!"
My angel, maybe u misunderstood me this long time.
One thing u should know, my heart is never change, not when u thought it was, u r the one I love in this world.
No matter how far have u left me alone, or how ur heart has changed for someone else, u r the one in my dreams every night. Hope u r happy and well, whoever u r with, that still gives me a reason to smile.
Melody of Heart
Soundless air bring silence
shrouded in darkness I find myself
I look ahead, how to comfort
this tired body, restless mind and soul
I want to hear u sing
I want to hear u laugh
I want to hear u read a poem
not just in my every night's dream
dream sometimes is so far from reality
out of reach, even if I run
even if I try
so I just stand still, knowing it'll be best for u.
Only my heart whispers,
only my heart is humming a song
and words are gone with the wind
noone will hear
So tired, I push myself too hard these 2 days, restless.
Maybe u r bored to death with me, maybe u hate me so much and u just pretend to be ok with me around.
And if only u can choose, erase me from ur memory and life is the one thing u'd like to do the most.
Say it, and I'll go forever, from the game, from this forum, i'll make sure to disappear from u, just be honest with urself and with me.
Have no worry, I'll never tell anyone close to u now about what had happened between us, u may continue ur life without the shadow of the past.
I'd still write, i need to write what i feel, that's for the good of myself. it's too painful to keep all within me, but i really will try not to be known.
I know my place, and i fully know I'm nothing for u, just say those words.
So very often I asked myself, what's my mistakes? The answer is more valuable than any treasures.
Dah lama ga punya waktu buat merenung, mungkin skrg saat yg pas ^^
kebetulan bbrp hari yg lalu baru nonton film 2012.
Kl misal aja film itu dah dibuat bbrp tahun sebelum ini, mungkin seusai nonton film itu, gw bakal berdoa semalaman, minta ampun buat semua dosa-dosa gw. Bukan berarti gw percaya kl kiamat itu bener" tanggal 2012, krn siapapun ga ada yg tau kapan kiamat itu datang, tp krn gw menyadari semua dosa-dosa gw, dan kalo kiamat datang sebelum gw bertobat...dah pasti penghuni neraka tambah 1 orang.
Tapi kemarin-kemarin setelah nonton film itu, gw bener" ga ngerasa takut atau apapun, gw anggep itu cuma hiburan duank...kayanya kadar cuek gw dah sampai ke tingkat yg terparah, meskipun dalam hati kecil gw, gw mau banget bs punya hati kaya dulu lagi, ga secuek ini, ga sehancur ini.
Gw bener" sadar betapa jauh gw udah ninggalin Tuhan gw, tp entah kenapa begitu sulit rasanya buat kembali, padahal gw yakin kl setiap hari, Dia kasih kesempatan buat gw balik ke Dia. Bener-bener hati ini dah bebal kynya, gw terus aja lakuin dosa, gw ga peduli apapun, bahkan ngerusak diri gw sendiri.
Gw mau balik kaya dulu lagi, jadi diri gw yg belum segini kecewanya sm hidup, belum segini hilang harapannya, belum segini asiknya menikmati kesendirian yg bnr" sendiri krn kekecewaan gw sm orang-orang di sekitar gw, sm sahabat yang gw kira bnr" seorang sahabat, yang akhirnya malah khianatin gw, sm seseorang yang sangat-sangat-sangat gw sayangin yg akhirnya juga ninggalin gw.
Gw tau, Tuhan selalu kasih kesempatan buat gw kembali sm Dia...
A Prayer
I know all my sins, Lord. I know how much I had hurt u along this time, to turn away from Your love.
If only I can turn back the time, I'm sure I could do better, but even if that's impossible, I know U'll always accept me whatever condition I'm in.
Thank U, U r such a loving God, One true and only God.
When I don't know where to turn to, I believe, U r always be there for me.
When darkness are all around me, I believe Ur light still show me a way to reach U.
All I need to do, is to call ur name, and give my hands for U to hold.
Please, I'm such a weak and stupid being, I need U in every step of my way.
often I did foolish things, harm my own body that's supposed to be Urs.
Forgive me, Lord. Please, hold my two hands and lead my way.
I've been into the darkness for such a long time, and it's impossible for me to come to U by my own strength, I need U this very moment. Change my heart, Lord, change my mind, change how i think and do, so that I can see what's Ur plan in me.
Thank U for being such a loving God. U can just feel disgust of me and throw me away, but that's not what U do. U always have two open hands even for a sinner like me.
Thank U, my sweet Jesus.
Time to sleep, nitez diary.
Everytime You Kissed Me - Emily Bindiger (Pandora Hearts OST2)
everytime you kissed me
I trembled like a child
gathering the roses
we sang for the hope
your very voice is in my heartbeat
sweeter than my dream
we were there, in everlasting bloom
roses die,
the secret is inside the pain
winds are high up on the hill
I cannot hear you
come and hold me close
I’m shivering cold in the heart of rain
darkness falls, I’m calling for the dawn
silver dishes for the memories,
for the days gone by
singing for the promises
tomorrow may bring
I harbour all the old affection
roses of the past
darkness falls, and summer will be gone
joys of the daylight
shadows of starlight
everything was sweet by your side, my love
ruby tears have come to me, for your last words
I’m here just singing my song of woe
waiting for you, my love
now let my happiness sing inside my dream..........
everytime you kissed me
my heart was in such pain
gathering the roses
we sang of the grief
your very voice is in my heartbeat
sweeter then despair
we were there, in everlasting bloom
underneath the stars
shaded by the flowers
kiss me in the summer day gloom, my love
you are all my pleasure, my hope and my song
I will be here dreaming in the past
until you come
until we close our eyes
7 cigars in one day? Have I gone crazy...the thing i never touch and hate for my lifetime has become one of my best friends this one year.
Till what point will I harm myself, my health.
Someone who cares for me so much in audi begged me to stop, I just smiled and said no.
Ironic, one has to struggle from needles, therapies, and hospitalized just to stay healthy, while I ruin myself like this. I must be such a disappointment for u, clown...
I wonder why do u care for me that much?
From the first time we met, u've already known how deep I love someone, yet sincerely and truly u said, u love me. And u surely knew, it was a lie when we became couple and I kissed u and said "I love u too". But still, u care for me that much, and u said, there's always a place in ur room for me.
How many times I've hurt u? I'm sorry.
Silly clown, so many who love u, who chase after u, u r that georgeus and kind, not to mention that u r so rich, hehe. Don't choose me, silly.
I can share no love since I can't change my heart, I can give u nothing, they're all better than I am.
How happy I was yesterday, when ur char finally get wed with someone who loves u. Please be happy. I really want to see a beautiful ring above ur char, something I'll never have. Do that for me, will u?
As for now, maybe u can't read my writings, my feelings, but someday if i really have to go, I'll give this id for u. One thing i can tell, i may never love u, but u r absolutely more than a best friend for me.
Thank u for everything u've done, u really helped me when i was on my darkest time back then.
What some cold nights these few days, rain falls brings freshness, but still, it is cold ^^
Am I enjoying this life, far from the ones who love me, just be alone, just live alone.
I realize, how selfish one can be, sometimes don't think about other's feeling at all, even the feeling of those who love him/her truly. Forgive me for my selfishness, I've changed so much, not the one I'm used to be, not the one with pure smile and laugh, not the one to joke around, I just feel comfortable being alone.
Forgive me, that's my bad...
^^ so very long time I didn't write a happy story.
Now let me write it, I call it fiction, I want to be happy, even if it just happens in my writing.
Senyumku merekah memandangmu
berada di dekatmu adalah suatu kebahagiaan
hidup bersamamu adalah suatu keindahan
dicintai olehmu adalah suatu anugrah
di padang rumput luas kita bermain
seperti dua orang anak kecil
semua yang ada hanya ketulusan belaka
tanpa keegoisan dan kebohongan
Bersamamu, aku tak ingin tinggalkan dunia ini
apakah keabadian akan lebih indah dari saat ini?
memegang erat tanganmu, kumerasa dapat lalui semua kegelapan
dengan cintamu, kan kubuat kita terbang ke awan
Kupuja engkau, jauh melebihi aku mencintai diriku
kudekap kau erat, tahukah kau betapa takut aku kehilanganmu?
Dan jika hidup tak seindah dongeng,
tak sedikitpun aku keberatan kehilangan semua yg kumiliki
Tapi jangan ambil dia dari pelukku.
huff...so silly...
.............so sad...so hopeless......I really pity myself.
a fiction won't have a touch in it, what a rubbish.
Wonder when I could write a good happy writing once again.
Maybe in Heaven, when I meet my sweet Jesus.
3 AM already, time's so quickly runs, the faster the better...
All that I could hope is not in this world anymore, take me with U fast, Lord.
Forgive me for being selfish, I'm also being honest, this is not the kind of life I want to have.
If only I didn't realize that doing suicide will brings me to hell, I'd not be in this world anymore since a year ago.
Forgive my sins, Lord, for not appreciating precious life U've given to me.
I'm just a rubbish now, can't do anything useful, so very sorry.
Please don't ever leave me, U r all that I have now.
Share This Thread