Taoism
**** happens.
Buddhism
If **** happens, it's not really ****.
Islam
If **** happens, it's the will of Allah.
Protestantism
**** happens because you don't work hard enough.
Judaism
Why does this **** always happen to us?
Hinduism
This **** happened before.
Catholicism
**** happens because you're bad.
Hare Krishna
**** happens rama rama.
T.V. Evangelism
Send more ****.
Atheism
No ****.
Jehova's Witness
Knock knock, **** happens.
Hedonism
There's nothing like a good **** happening.
Christian Science
**** happens in your mind.
Agnosticism
Maybe **** happens, maybe it doesn't.
Rastafarianism
Let's smoke this ****.
Existentialism
What is **** anyway?
Stoicism
This **** doesn't bother me.