Humor2 komunitas IDGS

[[ChenZ]Livarte-]

Pak Dahlan dan istrinya adalah pasangan suami istri yang rukun, mereka tidak
pernah kelihatan bertengkar meskipun mereka sudah berumah tangga sekitar 60
tahun. Istrinya sangat penurut, apa-apa yang diminta dan disuruh oleh
suaminya selalu dilaksanakan tanpa ada bantahan barang sedikitpun dari
istrinya. Sedangkan pak Dahlan dikenal sebagai seorang yang sangat sabar.

Pak Kasim teman pak Dahlan semasa revolusi fisik menceritakan ihwal kenapa
istrinya pak Dahlan begitu penurut.
Pada tahun 1946 pak Dahlan hendak mengungsi bersama istrinya,kendaraan yang
dipakai adalah delman yang pada waktu itu sudah terbilang mewah jika sebuah
keluarga mempunyai delman. Baru beberapa kilometer berjalan kuda delman itu
jatuh, mungkin karena kecapekan membawa beban yang sangat berat. Pak Dahlan
bergegas turun untuk membantu kudanya berdiri kembali sambil berseru “satu
!!!”. Ketika beberapa saat kuda itu jalan, kuda tersebut jatuh kembali. Pak
Dahlan bergegas turun membantu kudanya berdiri kembali sambil mengatakan
“dua”. Istrinya keheranan. Ketika perjalanan dilanjutkan, kuda itu jatuh
kembali.Pak Dahlan bergegas turun kembali sambil mengatakan “tiga” lalu pak
Dahlan langsung mengeluarkan pistol di samping celananya lalu
“DOR…DOR…DOR” kuda itu langsung mati. Melihat hal itu istrinya langsung
memarahi sambil memaki-maki pak Dahlan karena sudah menembak kuda
satu-satunya sehingga mereka tidak bisa melanjutkan perjalanannya. Belum
habis marah sang istri, pak Dahlan langsung menyela dengan mengatakan
“satu !!!”.

Sampai sekarang pak Dahlan dan istrinya hidup rukun dan damai….

[[ChenZ]Livarte-]

Seorang kakek berusia 70 tahun pergi ke dokter, “Maaf, dok, gaya apa yang aman kalau mau bercinta? Kan tulang saya tidak sekuat dulu lagi…”

“Gaya yang paling cocok buat kakek doggy style.”

“Maksud dokter menungging?”

“Bukan, tapi cukup mengendus-endus aja…” jawab dokter kalem.

[[ChenZ]Livarte-]

Patrick masuk ke ruang praktek dokter dengan wajah babak belur dan
sebuah raket tenis yang jebol terkalung di lehernya.
“Jangan khawatir, saya akan segera menolong anda. Tapi terlebih dahulu,
mengapa raket itu sampai melilit leher anda?”
“Ceritanya begini, dokter”, kata Patrick.
“Tadi sore, saya dan istri saya pergi bermain tenis. Lalu istri saya
melakukan pukulan yang begitu keras sehingga bolanya hilang dari
pandangan kami. Kami sibuk mencari bola itu. Kemudian di pojok lapangan saya
melihat seekor sapi betina sedang berbaring-baring. Saya dekati sapi itu, dan
dengan perlahan-lahan ekornya saya angkat. Astaga ! ternyata bola tenis yang
hilang itu memang ada dibawah pangkal ekornya. Saya berteriak memanggil
istri saya “Sayang, kelihatannya ini sepertinya punyamu”. Dan dokter,
setelah mengucapkan kata-kata itu saya tidak ingat apa-apa lagi”.

[[ChenZ]Livarte-]

Consul: What is your name?
Arab: Aziz.

Consul: Sex?
Arab: Six to ten times a week.

Consul: I mean, male or female?
Arab: Both male and female and sometimes even camels.

Consul: Holy cow!
Arab: Yes, cows and dogs too!!!

Consul: Man, isn’t it hostile?
Arab: Horse style, dog style, any style.

Consul: Oh… dear!
Arab: Deer? No deer, they run too fast.

[[ChenZ]Livarte-]

A Washington, DC, airport ticket agent offers some examples of why our country (US) is in trouble…

*****

I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn’t get messed up by being near the window. (On an airplane!)

*****

I got a call from a candidate’s staffer, who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, then she interrupted me with, “I’m not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts.”

Without trying to make her look stupid, I calmly explained, “Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa.” Her response - click.

*****

A senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room.

I tried to explain that’s not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.

He replied, “Don’t lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state!”

*****

I got a call from a lawmaker’s wife who asked, “Is it possible to see England from Canada?” I said, “No.” She said, “But they look so close on the map.”

*****

An aide for a cabinet member once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas.

When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, “I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time.”

*****

An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 am got to Chicago at 8:33 am.

I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she couldn’t understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she bought that.

*****

A New York lawmaker called and asked, “Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?”

I said, “No, why do you ask?”

She replied, “Well, when I checked in with the Airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I’m overweight. I think that’s very rude!”

After putting her on hold for a minute while I looked into it (I was laughing). I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, CA is (FAT - Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

*****

A Senator’s aide called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, “Would it be cheaper to fly to California, and then take the train to Hawaii?”

*****

I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman who asked, “How do I know which plane to get on?”

I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, “I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them.”

*****

A lady Senator called and said, “I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola, Florida. Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?”

I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola, Fl. on a commuter plane. She said, “Yeah, whatever, smarty!”

*****

A senior Senator called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him that he needed a visa.

“Oh, no I don’t. I’ve been to China many times and never had to have one of those.”

I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, “Look, I’ve been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!”

*****

A New Mexico Congress woman called to make reservations, “I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York.”

I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, “Are you sure that’s the name of the town?”

“Yes, what flights do you have?” replied the lady.

After some searching, I came back with, “I’m sorry, Ma’am, I’ve looked up every airport code in the country and can’t find a Rhino anywhere.”

The lady retorted, “Oh, don’t be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!”

So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, “You don’t mean Buffalo, do you?”

The reply, “Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.”

[[ChenZ]Livarte-]

Di suatu sudut di kota Jakarta tinggal sebuah keluarga yang kelihatannya
cukup bahagia. Rumah bagus dengan halaman luas, punya mobil mewah, seorang
Istri yang cantik dan bekerja pada sebuah Perusahaan bonafid, dua orang
anak yang sedang lucu-lucunya, seorang Pembantu bernama Inem dan seorang
Supir pribadi bernama Parto.

Mungkin di karenakan pekerjaan si Istri yang sangat sibuk (maklum Executive
Secretary) sehingga sering pulang malam dan dalam keadaan sangat lelah.

Setelah sampai di rumah paling si Istri hanya sempat melihat kedua anaknya
yang sudah tidur di kamar lalu mandi dan pamit pada suaminya yang sedang
nonton Teve untuk tidur. Sehingga walaupun si suami sudah tidak kuliah lagi
(sudah bekerja) tapi akhirnya dia mendapat gelar S3 (Sebulan Sekali Setor).
Untuk satu atau dua bulan memang masih tahan, tapi akhirnya uring-uringan
juga.

> > Akhirnya dia putuskan untuk cari sasaran lain. Setelah pikir punya pikir
akhirnya pilihan jatuh pada Inem sang Pembantu) selain biaya murah juga
untuk meminimkan resiko AIDS.

Setelah berjalan sekian lama suatu saat si pembantu (P) tanya pada sang
Majikan (M).
P : ” Pak, enak mana sama Ibu . . . ? ”
M : ” Yachhh .. . . Jelas enak kamu dong Nem . . ”
P : ” Ach . . . Masa sih Pak, bukannya enak Ibu . . ? ”
M : ” Kan Saya udah sering bilang jauh lebih enak kamu . . . ”
Tetapi dengan lugunya Inem berkata : ” Tapi Kata Parto kok Lebih enakan Ibu”
M : “?!?!??!?!??!? “

[Ch41n_L19htn1n9]

nice, taip ad bbrp yg repost

[Volcanflame]

Ahaha, kalo yg maen Pokémon pasti tau snorlax itu gimana ... Maaf kalo ada orangnya disini :x

[[ChenZ]Livarte-]

Coba tebak...

Bentuknya kecil,kalo dikocok kocok ngecrot dan keluar suatu cairan 'putih'

Apa ayo

Spoiler untuk :

botol mayonaise la mank apa lg

[Sby-Kingslayer]

Wew tebakan kuno ..
Tp menurut gw itu tipe x

[Kambingku-]

Wew dah pernah denger seh tebakannya
Tapi jawabannya itu arisan

[alexandrite]

oit maap2 ga baca saia..>.<
tq2..

[alexandrite]

wkwkkw..nice2..gw tw snorlax..cuma snorlax yg 1 neh hepi bnr kliatannya..wkwkwk..

[Veronica]

Iya sih banyak yg repost

Kayaknya Ga penting comment kayak begini kk

Kalo mau ngejer post jangan disini

[monyetjoget]

Ahaha, kalo yg maen Pokémon pasti tau snorlax itu gimana ... Maaf kalo ada orangnya disini :x

ko g tidur seh..
btw sp tuh yg bangunin dy pk suling....
gpp nice pict