Humor2 komunitas IDGS

[C|u*-LuCientZ-]

jokesnya lucu"

tambain gambarnya donk


nb: CapeQ maen ama only mesra bgd siiih

[kolor_perak]

fotonya tambah lagi dong...

[capeq_maen]

brengsek luh!

@TS repost terus repost trus tpi lucu


I AM BACK BEIBEH!!!!

[L4nc3r]

Suatu hari dalam kelas pelajaran Bhs Indonesia. Sang guru menyuruh setiap murid2 utk membuat 1 kalimat yg baik. Si guru kemudian menunjuk si A. "Ibu pergi ke pasar", kata si A dgn lancar. "Ya bagus. Selanjutnya si B!!", perintah guru. "Ayah membeli buku.", jawab si B santai. Kemudian giliran si C menjawab, "Ibu menghisap lampu". Si guru kontan kaget dengan jawaban si C. "Loh, kalimat yg kamu buat sungguh aneh, apa tidak ada yg lain lebih yg lebih umum??", tanya si guru penasaran. Lalu jawab si C, "Iya pak guru, tadi malam saya mendengar ibu berkata, ayah, matikan lampunya, nanti saya hisap."

[stroberi]

hahaha.. lol jg nih..

[[ChenZ]Livarte-]

jokesnya lucu"

tambain gambarnya donk


nb: CapeQ maen ama only mesra bgd siiih

i am back ...

-_- mesra?????? wew...

yah si capeq udah back gw jadi males nich... hohohohohohohohho

oke update times~~~~~~

[[ChenZ]Livarte-]

Judi mencoba menjual mobilnya. Ia kesulitan menjual mobilnya karena kilometer yang ada di spedometer telah mencapai 250.000 km.

Suatu hari, ia menceritakan masalahnya itu pada temannya. Temannya berkata, "Ada satu cara yang bisa membuat mobilmu mudah dijual, tapi ngga legal."

"Ngga masalah," jawab Judi, "saya benar-benar harus menjual mobil ini."

"Oke," kata temannya. "Ini alamat teman saya. Ia buka bengkel. Katakan padanya aku yang menyuruhmu ke sana dan ia akan membuat kilometermu jadi 50.000. Setelah itu, mobilmu kan pasti mudah untuk dijual."

Minggu berikutnya, Judi membawa mobilnya ke bengkel itu. Dua minggu kemudian, teman Judi bertanya kepadanya, "Sudah laku mobilmu?"

"Ngga," jawabnya, "kenapa harus dijual? Kan baru jalan 50.000 km ...!"

[[ChenZ]Livarte-]

buat yg tukang BOHONG bc ini

Suatu kali seorang pendeta melihat anak-anak sekolah minggu bergerombol membentuk lingkaran di halaman gereja. Di tengah-tengah mereka berbaring seekor ****** kecil. Karena tertarik pendeta tersebut mendekati anak-anak itu dan bertanya, "Apa yang sedang kalian lakukan, anak-anak ?" Salah seorang anak menjawab, "Ah, pak pendeta, kami sedang berlomba siapa yang paling pandai berbohong akan mendapat hadiah ****** kecil itu."

Sang pendeta amat terkejut karena di gereja mereka justru mengadakan lomba dalam hal berbohong. Kemudian ia menjawab, "Wah, wah, kalian ini bagaimana? Saya sewaktu usia kalian tidak pernah berbohong."

Salah seorang anak yang lain menjawab, "Nah, kalau begitu pak pendeta pemenangnya. Berikan anak ****** itu padanya."

--------------------------------------------

Seorang satpam bernama Hitlerz yang sedang tertidur, terbangun mendengar dering telepon. Ia langsung mengangkatnya. Terdengar suara di telepon,

"Halo,satpam? kaukah itu?"
"ya,ini Satpam,siapa ini?"
"Aku Majikanmu, coba kau ke depan kamar nyonya,dan intip dari lubang kunci, apa yang nyonyamu lakukan...!cepat!"
"Ba...baik tuan...!" dengan gugup satpam itu segera pergi. Sesaat kemudian ia kembali ke telepon.

"Sudah,Satpam?"
"sudah,tuan..Nyonya sedang tidur.."
"siapa yang tidur di sebelah nyonya?"
"Se..seorang pria kulit putih..."
"Kurangajar! Sudah kuduga! ia berselingkuh..! Satpam ! Kau tahu apa yang harus kau lakukan !"
"A..apa tuan..?"
"Kau ambil pistol di lacimu,dan tembak mereka berdua..!"
"Tapi..tapi tuan...."
"Jangan membantah,***** ! ini masalah harga diri ! apa kau mau kupecat ?"

dengan gugup si Satpam mengambil pistol, pergi ke kamar itu, lalu melaksanakan perintah sang penelepon. Setelah itu ia kembali ke telepon.

"Bagaimana,Satpam ? sudah beres ?"
"Sudah,tuan !"
"Apa mereka mati?"
"iya,tuan!"
"baik ! sekarang kau angkat mayatnya,dan buang ke sungai di belakang rumah..!"
"Sungai ? Sungai yang mana ?"
"Sungai yang di belakang rumah,***** !"
"tapi di belakang rumah tidak ada sungai,tuan...adanya pasar swalayan..!"
"Ha ? memangnya ini rumah siapa?"
"ini rumah Tuan Rainer dan Nyonya Ayi..!"
"Oh,maaf ya,kalau begitu aku salah sambung......."

[[ChenZ]Livarte-]

kluw repost konfirm jgn lpa disini... gw edit sebisa mungkin

read page 1 sebelum baca oke?

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Tiga orang suami sedang menceritakan perselingkuhan istrinya masing2.

Suami 1: "Gile man...rasanya sih istri gue selingkuh sama tukang ledeng.
Kemaris pas pulang kantor, gue nemuin sisa pipa dan tang di kolong tempat
tidur gue."

Suami 2:"Kayaknya istri gue juga deh, dia sepertinya selingkuh sama orang
PLN. Gue juga nemuin ada kabel dan obeng yg bukan punya gue di kolong tempat
tidur!"

Suami 3 terlihat amat stress. "Guys, tau gak...kayaknya istri gue selingkuh
sama kuda!"

"Ah yg bener??!!" kata kedua temannya gak percaya.

"Beneeerr.... kemarin waktu gue pulang kerja, gue liat ada joki di kolong tempat
tidur gue!"

[[ChenZ]Livarte-]

Korelasi Zodiak dgn Kissing
Aquarius
Sesuai dengan lambangnya, air, warga Aquarius ternyata memilikiciuman yang basah dan agak serabutan. Selain itu, pada saat ciuman berlangsung mereka umumnya cenderung membuka mata lebar-lebar.


Pisces
Orang-orang dengan bintang berlambang ikan ini memiliki gaya berciuman pandangan mata tajam, penuh nafsu dan gairah, serta wow...berlangsung cukup lama! Bagaimana, apakah gaya berciuman Anda ternyata sesuai dengan bintang Anda ???


Capricorn
Ciuman-ciuman yang didaratkan oleh orang-orang berbintang Capricorn kabarnya sangat-sangat romantis. Bahkan saking romantisnya,ciuman ala mereka kerap menjadi obat pembunuh stress!


Aries
Orang-orang Aries ternyata memiliki gaya berciuman yang cepat dan penuh dengan nafsu. Tapi sayangnya ciuman dahsyat tersebut biasanya cepat
pula selesainya.


Taurus
Berbeda dengan mereka yang berada di bawah naungan Taurus, dimana ciuman mereka umumnya berlangsung sangat perlahan, tidak tergesa-gesa,
tenang, penuh kemesraan dan berlangsung terus...terus...dan terus.


Gemini
Orang-orang Gemini konon merupakan pribadi yang hangat dan ceria. Tidak heran jika gaya berciuman mereka terkadang diselingi oleh senyuman
bahkan juga tawa lebar. Asyiknya, sifat warga Gemini yang terkenal gemar melakukan sesuatu yang baru itu pun dilakukannya dalam melakukan ciuman.
Jadi banyak kejutannya!


Cancer
Warga Cancer memang terkenal dengan sikapnya yang hati-hati, agak tertutup dan cenderung ingin selalu dilindungi. Tak heran jika dalam urusan
berciuman mereka lebih suka melakukannya dengan lembut, hangat, dan seperti tidak mau lepas saja!


Leo
Orang-orang Leo yang terkenal keras dan tegas ternyata memiliki gaya berciuman yang liar, tanpa malu-malu, bahkan tidak segan-segan untuk menggigit dan mencakar! Pun warga bintang berlambang singa ini
ternyata sangat senang jika mendapat pujian dari pasangannya, utamanya pujian atas gairahnya yang luar biasa.


Virgo
Warga Virgo memiliki gaya berciuman yang halus, lembut, rapi, sampai-sampai sang pasangan pun bakal terkesima dibuatnya.


Libra
Gaya berciuman warga Libra konon kurang hangat! Kenapa? Karena mereka pada umumnya terlalu khawatir dengan urusan macam-macam di luar hasrat
mereka. Belum lagi, mereka gemar menghela nafas di tengah-tengah ciuman.


Scorpio
Percaya atau tidak, orang-orang di bawah naungan Scorpio rupanya tidak terlalu suka dengan ciuman. Karenanya, jangan kaget apabila dalam
sebuah hubungan intim mereka kerap melewatkan aktifitas yang satu itu dan lebih suka langsung menuju sasaran.


Sagitarius
Hmmm...berbahagialah Anda yang berbintang Sagitarius atau pun yang memiliki pasangan dengan bintang ini. Pasalnya, mereka yang berbintang dengan
ambang busur panah ini memiliki gaya berciuman yang mengejutkan, spontan, dan...menggairahkan. Tak heran jika konon banyak orang yang menanti-nanti ciuman ala si Sagitarius ini.

[[ChenZ]Livarte-]

Hot VCD sma 2 Cianjur adegan penuh keringat!.......


Setelah diteliti dan ditonton dengan seksama, ternyata didalamnya terdapat sekelompok orang sedang membawa dan menggotong karung beras cianjur.

Aktivitas mereka yg berkeringat itu didapat setelah mengambi beberapa karung beras dan menggotonganya dengan berjalan kaki dari sawah, menuju kesebuah gudang ,didaerah cianjur jawa barat ,yg berjarak kurang lebih 2 kilometer !.

Gile bener itu pembajak !....nipu orang keterlaluan, gw kira vcd porno benerannya.

( Anda mungkin mengira folder ini serius.tp percayalah ini hanya bercanda)

[[ChenZ]Livarte-]

Give us new missiles
The 1982 Israeli invasion of Lebanon resulted in many dogfights between Syrian and Israeli jet fighters.

In the end, the Syrians lost over 80 planes and had a number of SAM batteries knocked out, while the Israelis lost no planes.

Sometime later, the Syrian Defense Minister was shopping for weapons in Moscow.

His host, the Soviet Defense Minister, was embarrassed about the scorecard from Lebanon.

He told his Syrian guest, "Take anything you want - our best tanks, rifles, or surface-to-air missiles."

"No, no - you don't understand!" the Syrian replied. "Last time you gave us surface-to-air missiles. This time we need surface-to-*jet* missiles!"

-------------------------------


Looking to buy a frog?
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.

After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat's music.

While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog. "Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale." The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front. "No," he insists, "he's not for sale." The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.

"Are you insane?" the bartender demanded. "That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!" "Don't worry about it." the man answered. "The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat's a ventriloquist."

[[ChenZ]Livarte-]

Who can say this sentence?
The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a bar having adrink when a great-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me."

So the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese." The Collie replies, "That's not good enough."

The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese." She says, "That's not creative enough."

Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone . . . cheese mine."

------------------------------------

A pirate at the local bar discusses his past
A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch.

The seaman asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies, "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."

"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"? "Well", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off."

"Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch"? "A seagull dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate.

"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?," the sailor asked incredulously. "Well," said the pirate, "it was my first day with my hook"

[[ChenZ]Livarte-]

Arriving home very drunk
A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes. He is obviously drunk. So the bartender says to another man in the bar: "Why don't you be a good Samaritan and take him home."

The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and he stumbles at least ten times. They drive along and the drunk points out his house to the man. He stops the car and the drunk stumbles up the steps to his house with the man.

The drunk's wife greets them at the door: "Why thank you for bringing him home for me, but where's his wheel chair?"

-----------------------------------------

A neutron at a bar
A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says.
The bartender promptly serves up a beer.
"How much will that be?" asks the neutron.
"For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge"

---------------------------------
He is a very fast drinker
A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be buddy?"

The man says, "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles." The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking.

"You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have."

The bartender hastily asks, "What do you have pal?"

The man quickly replies, "I have a dollar."

[[ChenZ]Livarte-]

Dad will never say
Top Ten Things You'll Never Hear a Dad Say

10. Well, how 'bout that?... I'm lost! Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions.

9. You know Pumpkin, now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun?

8. I noticed that all your friends have a certain "up yours" attitude ... I like that.

7. Here's a credit card and the keys to my new car -- GO CRAZY.

6. What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating not good enough for you, son?

5. Your Mother and I are going away for the weekend ... you might want to consider throwing a party.

4. Well, I don't know what's wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies -- you know -- that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.

3. No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring -- now quit your belly-aching, and let's go to the mall.

2. Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.

1. Father's Day? aahh -- don't worry about that -- it's no big deal.