Humor2 komunitas IDGS

[[ChenZ]Livarte-]

Santa Claus is a Woman...

I think Santa Claus is a woman....I hate to be the one to defy a sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!

For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman.

Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag.

Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist.

Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.

Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:

* Men can't pack a bag.
* Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
* Men would feel their masculinity is threatened...having to be seen with all those elves.
* Men don't answer their mail.
* Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."
* Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
* Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
* Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.

I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men.........

* Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous — definite guy.
* Cupid flies around carrying weapons.
* Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers.

Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening test. But not St. Nick. Not a chance.

Author ... unknown WOMAN

[[ChenZ]Livarte-]

kali2 gw cari yg english

tadi ktemu yang bahasa jerman ama spanyol bwt yg mw and ngerti silakan kontak saya ntar saya post

[[ChenZ]Livarte-]

P R E - R E L A T I O N S H I P A G R E E M E N T

The party of the first part (herein referred to as "she"), being of sound mind and pretty good body, agrees to the following with the party of the second part (herein referred to as "him"):

1. FULL DISCLOSURE: At the commencement of said relationship(colloquially referred to as the "first date"), each party agrees to fully disclose any current girl/boyfriends, dependent children, bizarre religious beliefs, phobias, fears, social diseases, strange political affiliations, or currently active relationships with anyone else that have not yet been terminated. Further, each party agrees to make known any deep-seated complexes and/or fanatical obsessions with pets, careers, and/or organized sports. Failure to make these disclosures will result in the immediate termination of said relationship before it has a chance to get anywhere.

2. INDEMNIFICATION OF FRIENDS: Both parties agree to hold the person who arranged the liaison (colloquially referred to as the "matchmaker") blameless in the event that the "fix-up" turns out to be a "real loser" or "psycho *****". (For definition of "real loser", see "John DeLorean: My Story", available at most bookstores, or any picture of Bob Guccione in "Penthouse". For definition of "psycho *****," see Sharon Stone in "Basic Instinct" or Glenn Close in "Fatal Attraction.")

3. DEFINITION OF RELATIONSHIP: Should said relationship proceed past the first date, both parties mutually agree to use the following terminology in describing their said "dating": For the first thirty (30) days, both parties consent to say they are "going out". (This neither implies nor states any guarantee of exclusivity.) Following the first thirty (30) days, both parties may say they are "seeing somebody" and may be referred to by third parties as "an item". Sixty (60) days following the commencement of the first date, either member may elect to use the terms "girl/boyfriend" or "lover" and their mutual acquaintances may refer to them as "a couple". Under no circumstances are the phrases "my better half," "the little woman," "the old ball and chain," or "my old man/lady" acceptable. Furthermore, if both members consent, this timetable may be sped up; however, if either party "gets too serious" and disregards this schedule, the other party may dissolve the relationship on the grounds of "moving too fast" and may once again be said to be "on the market."

4. TERMS OF EXCLUSIVITY: For the first thirty (30) days, both parties agree not to ask questions about the other's whereabouts on weekends, weeknights, or over long holiday periods. No unreasonable demands or expectations will be made; "rights" or "holds" on the other's time. Following the first six weeks or forty-five (45) days, if one party continues to be "missing in action" the "wounded party" agrees to "give up".

5. DATING ETIQUETTE: For the first thirty (30) days, both members of the couple agree to be overly considerate of the other's work pressures, schedules, and business ambitions. All dates will be made at least twenty-four (24) hours in advance; there will be no "running off in the middle of the night to console an old girl/boyfriend", and both parties agree to strike the phrase "but he/she needs me" from their vocabularies. Further, during the first six (6) weeks each member of said relationship agrees to attempt one spontaneous home-cooked meal or to arrange the delivery of at least one unexpected bouquet of flowers. Following the first forty-five (45) days, both parties will return to their normal personalities.

6. TERMS OF PAYMENT: It is agreed that -- respective gross income aside "he" will pick up the tab at all dinners, clubs, theaters, and breakfasts until: He considers her suitably impressed, He is broke, or He says, "this is ridiculous, you pay!" Not included in this agreement are meals ordered from the bedroom, which are subject to the availability of discretionary funds on hand at the time.

7. LIVING ARRANGEMENTS (occasionally known as the "Why do I bother to keep my own apartment?" codicil): Should said relationship progress to the point where the couple spends more than four nights a week together, every effort shall be made to split the time between their respective apartments. Further, it is agreed that both sides will attempt to silence the lewd remarks of landlords, or roommates. Both will avoid having their mothers call at 7:30 in the morning. He agrees to "pick up after himself" while in residence at her apartment, including washing his whiskers out of the sink, and assisting with household duties. By the same token, she agrees to respect his right to keep his apartment "a mess".

8. THE 90-DAY GRACE PERIOD: For the first three months, each member of the couple agrees to hold the other blameless in the euphoric use of phrases like "Let's move in together," "Why don't we start a family?" and -- using archaic terminology -- "Let's get married."

9. THE "L" WORD: For the first sixty (60) days, both parties agree not to use the phrase "I love you." They may love plants, dogs, cats, cars, concerts, or the way a particular pair of jeans fits, but not each other. Failure by one party to abide by this rule will result in the other party using the "G" word ... "Gone."

10. GROUNDS FOR TERMINATION: Any of the following will be grounds for immediate termination and final dissolution of said relationship:

* Infidelity: Running off at any time to console an ex-girl/boyfriend,
* Ending any argument with the sentence "My ex used to do that same exact thing."

[[ChenZ]Livarte-]

The Woman's Guide to Male English...

I’m hungry = I’m hungry
I’m sleepy = I’m sleepy
I’m tired = I’m tired
Do you want to go to a movie = I’d eventually like to have sex with you
Can I take you out to dinner? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you
Can I call you sometime? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you
May I have this dance? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you
Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to fondle you
What’s wrong? = I don’t see why you’re making such a big deal out of this
What’s wrong? = what meaningless, self inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
What’s wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question
I’m bored = Do you want to have sex?
I love you = Let’s have sex now
I love you, too = Okay, I said it...we’d better have sex now!
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = I liked it better before
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = $50 and it doesn’t look that much different!
Let’s talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you’d like to have sex with me
Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for other men to have sex with you
I like that one better (while shopping) = Pick any frigging dress and let’s get out of here.

[mahonk]

hahaha ...

kocak bro ...

[zmile]

wah banyak kayak gini gimana bacana nie sehari aja gak abisss....

[BDG-Smurf]

Berikut ini daftar film-film unggulan Hollywood (in
Javanese):

1 Enemy at the gates -- Musuhe Wis Tekan Gapuro
2 Batman Forever -- Ngembat Saklawase
3 Remember the Titans -- Kelingan Titan-titan
4 The Italian Job -- Gaweane Wong Ngerum
5a Die Hard -- Matine Angel
5b Die Hard II -- Matine Angel Tenan
5c Die Hard III With A Vengeance -- Kowe Kok Ra
Mati2 To?
6 Bad Boys -- Bocah-bocah Uelek
7 Sleepless in Seattle -- Klesikan neng Seattle
8 Lost in Space -- Ilang Neng Awang-awang
9 X-Men -- Wong Lanang Saru
9a X-Men 2 -- Wong Lanang Saru Banget
9b X-Men 3 (Belum dirilis) -- Aming
10 Cheaper by Dozen -- Tumbas Selusin Langkung Mirah
11 The Cooler -- Selot Adem
12 Paycheck -- Kasbon
13 Independence Day -- Pitulasan
14 The Day After Tomorrow -- Sesuke
15 Die Another Day -- Modare Ojo Saiki
16 There is Something About Marry -- Meri Ono
Apa-apane
17 Silence of the Lamb -- Wedhuse Mutung
18 All The Pretty Horses -- Jarane Ayu2 (aka Legenda
Pasar Kewan Mbahrowo)
19 Planet of the Apes -- Planete Wong Apes
20 Gone in Sixty Second -- Minggat Sakcepete
21 Original Sin -- Dosa Tenanan
22 Mummy Returns -- Mami-mami podo Mudik
23 The Abyss -- Entek-entekan
24 Copycat -- Kopi Kucing (nggo konco Sego Kucing)
25 Seabiscuit -- Klethikan Neng Laut
26 Freddy vs Jason -- Kerah
27 Terminator -- Terminal Montor
28 Air Bud -- banyu J**Bud
29 How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days -- Piye Carane Megat
Lanangan mung 10 Dino
30 Lord Of The Ring -- pedagang akik...
31 Deep Impact -- Ngantem Njero
32 Million Dollar Baby -- Genjik Regone Sayuto
33 Blackhawk Down -- Manuk ireng kenek bedhil
34 Saving Private Ryan -- Ngelesi privat mas rian (pancene ****** tenan
opo?)
35 Dumb and Dumber -- Wong ****** lan guoooblok tenan

[SvN]

NIce joke pals

[[ChenZ]Livarte-]

untuk sementara kynya gw ga bisa ***** sini

berhubung sibuk...

jadi maklum ya kluw dalam 3-4 hari ini ga nongol2 T__T

[[ChenZ]Livarte-]

[[ChenZ]Livarte-]

[PiCass0]

wew.. pic doggie di ats.. mirip lu tuh vincent..
hahaha..

nice pic all..

[PiCass0]

joke palsu?? hahhaa.. blg kurang lucu kan lebih enak kk..

no offense..

mayan lucu da joke na..

[SvN]

Pals itu artinya teman bro picasso
aowkaowkaowkaoa
maksud gw
nice joke kawan

[-First-]

Keren2. .

Wkwkwk. .
Kata2nya yg diatas nih, wah penuh tambahan wawasan